To You
by Yarii
Summary: I had been sold to Shimabara Pleasure House when i was young. It had been 10 years. Days were ordinary with little happy moments with my senior/sister, Izu. This particular day, extraordinary meeting happened. I had no idea why. but Shinsengumi's third unit's captain, Saitou Hajime had left his loincloth with me...God, help me.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this might be under Hakuouki's tag but this is based on my own imagination fantasy and some historical events.

do enjoy this setting.

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

In Shimabara, Kyoto I lived and worked as an apprentice oiran(pleasure woman). At the age of seven I was sold to the Pleasure House to feed my family. As a little girl, I wasn't that valuable to my father ever since my mother died of illness. He could have thought that selling me off to the Pleasure House was a great plan as long as I had a bowl of rice to eat. Still, my father didn't say anything on that day. Thus, ten years had passed.

Oiran were all marked with ankle accessories full of little bells so that we could be identified if we escaped. Some of us had tried it but were brought back to the pleasure house and were punished heavily. I had thought of fleeing but there was no way to remove the bells. If only I had a different fate.

OwO/

Keio second year, Shimabara was as busy as any other day but there was something happening around the town. Raids. People who helped Chosu[1] clan or Tosa clan were all captured by Shinsengumi[2] to be interrogated or tortured until information was given. Even if civilians thought that Shinsengumi was a group of murderers, to Shimabara, men of Shinsengumi were nothing more than customers. They visited quite often these days. Once in a blue moon they would get drunk and stayed until daylight.

One day, I was serving food and drinks to a group of people who seemed to be men of Chosu. I must applaud them for their bravery to step into a lion's lair. They probably didn't plan to speak out any of their identities and plans but sweet sake seemed to be tempting their tongues.

In the next room sat a man named Yamaguchi Jiro. He only asked for sake[3] and after that he asked to be left alone. He was a regular customer who usually came alone; sometimes with a group. Despite the name, he was actually Saito Hajime, captain of third unit in Shinsengumi. However, it was not pleasure women's privilege to leak it out after all, the fight between Bakufu(government) and Tobakufu(anti-government) had nothing to do with Shimabara.

"Excuse me, more sake please." A voice called out from the end of the hallway to me as I was the only one in the hallway. The one who called was Yamaguchi Jiro whose face was red. Was he drunk or not was unknown.

"Coming soon, sir!" I replied. I immediately walked my way to get a bottle of sake and returned to the guest. Sliding the door open, I excused myself into the room.

_His eyes are closed? Is he…sleeping? Uhm? What is that string?_ Crawling near, I reached my hand towards an odd string of white. Pulling it, I realized it lead to…the guest's feet. _H-his loincloth is…loose?! Why?! How?! Anyway, I need not care for—_

Abruptly, Saito Hajime stood up; returned from the sake trip to reality. Noticing me, he turned his gaze at me who was on four.

_Eh?! He's awake? At this timing? _Still holding onto the string, I felt my blood gushed up to my face and turned red. _Someone let me die. _I prayed. I was very certain no one couldn't withstand this kind of embarrassment. If I had to bear such discomfort, I would rather die. _Curiosity kills the cat, alright…_

To make sure I didn't anger or annoy him, I glanced at him and found out he wasn't there anymore. _Huh? W-where— _sudden scream rang loud. It came from next room. I walked stealthily to peek outside.

"R-run! It's Shinsengumi!"

_Ah, they got away. Wait, where's mister Yamaguchi? D-don't tell me…he got away too? B-but…what about his loincloth?! _With mouth agape I stared at empty hallway still with the string of loincloth in my hand. _What am I supposed to do? How in the hell will I face Saito Hajime the next time he visits?!_

That night, I decided to wash his loincloth and kept it until he came again. No, I had no idea how to return it. I supposed I should wait until he spoke of it.

* * *

><p>[1] Chosu Clan one of the clans which supported the return of sovereignty to the Emperor(Tosa Clan, Satsuma Clan, etc). They were anti-shogunate.<p>

[2] Shinsengumi was a military organization formed under the sponsor of Aizu Clan to protect the town of Kyoto. Most of them consist of men of low caste (farmers, merchants, etc). Contrast to the Anti-Shogunate, Shinsengumi was pro-shogunate.

[3] Alcoholic beverage made from fermented rice.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Shimabara received news that the Shinsengumi would be visiting tonight. Having heard of such news, I realized how difficult it was to return what Saitou Hajime had left. Purposely or not, I had no idea. How difficult? Very. _How am I supposed to return his…his loincloth? _Even though I had been in Shimabara for many years, I couldn't just consult anyone; even my closest friends. It was common for oiran to receive some presents from customers but in my case… it would cause a commotion. Unlike others, I had never served a private customer before therefore it was odd to receive any present. Not to mention it was an unintentional present in a form of a loincloth.

"Himawari, is there any trouble?" Izu, a Tayuu(high class courtesan) who was my senior came into my room. She placed herself across me. 'Himawari' was a nickname, not my actual name. I received the name when I came to Shimabara.

"It's nothing." I smiled, shaking my head a little.

"Are you sure? You look odd. If there's anything I'll hear it out." Izu offered, frowning with concern. I knew she was worried, but there was no way I could tell her about the loincloth. If I told anyone about it, it would only put Saitou on disgrace. For now, I only hoped that I would have a chance to return it safely and secretly.

"I'm okay, Izu. Don't you have customer to attend to?" I changed our conversation. Izu was one of my weaknesses. I couldn't lie to her if she kept pressing on the matter so I must divert her attention elsewhere. _I suppose I can take this as an exercise…lying exercise…_

"Oh no. I must get going." Izu propped herself up. "Himawari, we must be skillful in acting and we must not show any emotions to customers until we reach intimate level. But to each other, we are free to share whatever trouble we have. I'll listen to you later, alright?" She said before leaving my room.

"I understand." I managed to reply before Izu shut the door. I sighed. I just dug my own grave. How would I tell her about the loincloth?! _No matter how you think about it, it… it's awkward! _I had to think of something else. I had to lie. Anyway, I must get ready, it was almost night time. Choosing between many hair pins, I had a dilemma over the blue and the red. _Will I have a chance to return his underwear?_ Thinking about Saitou Hajime, my hand touched a pin with a white flower. _White…his loincloth is the same as well…w-what am I thinking?! I must get my mind out of it! But…this hairpin fits the color of kimono**[1]** I wear now. I suppose it's one of those called coincidence._ I chuckled shyly.

Soon I was called to help bringing some sake to early customers. I immediately marched there as soon as I pushed that one pin into the bun of my hair. Making sure it was tight in place, I pushed it several times before I left my room.

"Himawari, you are at food decorating section today." The Owner of the Pleasure House, Sayaka said. I bowed and walked passed her into the kitchen. Food for tonight's guests were rice, grilled fish, miso soup and three pieces of manjuu(cake filled with red bean paste). I arranged them accordingly and placed them on each tray enough for twenty men. By the corner of my eyes, I saw some leftovers. No, it was purposely left there. It must be Izu who did it. A warmth began to spread on my chest, I was happy for having such a great senior—an older sister.

"Himawari, those are yours! Izu left it for you!" Sayaka shouted.

"I understand!" I shouted back. I took a paper wrapping and wrapped those manjuu. I could eat it during a short rest. I sprinted towards my room and kept it in a drawer. _I guess I can have some…_ I pulled the drawer open and unfolded the wrapping. Actually…I had a bad habit of taking a large bite. Of course I never showed it to anyone. I took two manjuus and put it in my mouth, chewing it as I felt the sweet red bean paste melted in my mouth. It was one of my weaknesses; sweets. _Eating sweets is one of world's happiness._ I thought as I savored the taste.

"Oh no, I must bring the food to the room!" I remembered suddenly of my job. I hurried out of my room and marched back to the kitchen. Bringing the tray one by one, helped by several oiran, we cleared our first job.

_I didn't manage to eat the last piece of manjuu…I suppose I can have it now._ I thought as I excused myself to my room yet once again. I opened the drawer and unfolded the wrapping eventually swallowed the last piece of manjuu. Drowned in the sweetness I squealed.

"Himawari-don[2]! You are called to serve the customers!" A koshi[3] came calling for me.

"Ah! Yes! I'll be on my way!" It was saddening that I had to hurry to work. Not forgetting the important item to return to the owner, I wrapped it with a cloth and kept it in my sleeve.

Walking down the stairs I saw a customer who seemed troubled. So I approached him asking what was bothering him. He told me that he got lost. It wasn't weird, first comers got lost often. I told him to follow me downstairs to the main entrance. He could ask someone to teach him a few things around Shimabara. As we walked down the stairs, I didn't realize that I dropped the 'package'.

"Ah, excuse me." The customer called.

I turned my back and to my greatest surprise which almost made my heart stop, he was bending down to reach for the 'package'. I was flabbergasted. If the customer were to see the content then it would definitely hurt my dignity and Saitou's dignity. I must do something to prevent him from picking it up. _Come on myself, think, think, think! There must be some way! Ah! No choice, I must do it._

"What is this?"

"Ugh! Ah! It…hurts! It hurts!" I purposely dropped myself on the stairs (left three steps to the floor), slid my butt on the stairs and yelped out painfully. "Please…call the owner… from this hallway to the left." I pointed towards the direction.

"Ah! Yes! Hold on!" He panicked and ran to where I pointed. "Someone! An oiran tripped and fell from the stairs!"

As soon as his figure disappeared to left, I picked myself up, took off my socks and ran with every ounce of strength I had to run upstairs. Running with my fastest speed, I bent a bit to my right side so that my right hand could reach the 'package' and hid it in my sleeve again. However it was not over. Footsteps were audible; I had to run further away. Still not losing my will, I kept running to the last room on second floor. Swinging the door open with my might, I entered and shut the door. Breathing heavily, I was relieved. _Bare-foot is my ability, will is my capability, running is my specialty!_

OvO/

I reached the main entrance again and saw twenty men entering. Among them I saw someone I recognized. _Saitou-han[4]…_ We who belonged to the Shimabara lead them to the room we had prepared. Despite the nasty rumors about them being killers, they were oddly…loud. They actually boasted about themselves with their regular oirans. I knew they were regular but this was my first time welcoming them, I thought they would be silent. They proved me wrong though. Since they had their regulars, it meant I would serve other customer in other room.

"Welcome and enjoy your stay." We bowed, leading men of Shinsengumi into the room. One by one they entered starting from their commander the famous Kondou Isami, the vice-commander, Hijikata Toshizou, Captains of Units then the other soldiers. As Saitou walked passed me, I felt his gaze on me. That moment, I felt everything was in slow motion. His black eyes seemed to see through me. I felt my heart fluttered and my blood rushed to my head, warming my face. _Does he remember me?_

"What is it Saitou?" Asked someone who came next to Saitou.

"This oiran…Nothing, Nagakura." Replied Saitou.

"Oh! She looks fine. Let her serve you—oh no, let two girls serve you today for your hard work that day! Right, Hijikata-san?" Another man with braided long hair teased. He was Sanosuke Harada.

"Sure! Why not! Bring her in!" The Vice-commander, Hijikata agreed.

I just stood there; stunned. _He…allowed me to serve him? I…but-_ Someone nudged me from behind abruptly. I glanced behind and saw it was Izu. _ It's bad to steal other's customer, but it's worse to not serve._ I breathed out a little sigh not loud enough to be heard by others; hopefully. I took a step into the room, following Saitou.

"We are here to celebrate Saitou's success in tailing the spy from Chosuu who took their roots here a few days ago! Raise up your sake!" Hijikata stood up, raising his cup of sake. In unison, his men followed.

"For Saitou's success!" They gulped down their sake and that started the party. Nagakura Shinpachi started to strip his upper shirt and did belly dance along with Sanosuke Harada. Heisuke who seemed to be the youngest member did an imitation of their vice-commander and received a lecture. Other members also did some attractions except for Saitou.

"Saitou-han, please drink more." Saitou's regular oiran, Midori poured sake into his cup but Saitou didn't reach for it. Instead, he put three pieces of manjuu into his mouth and chewed it.

"Uhm—" I opened my mouth to speak but then…

"Saitou-han, why won't you drink the sake which I have poured for you?" Midori interrupted.

"I leave the best for last." Saitou answered.

"Do you not like—" I attempted again but I received glares from Midori. _The competition is tough…_ I thought as I looked away from her glares.

"Do you not like sweets? Why do you eat them first?" Midori interrupted again.

"I like sweets. I prefer eating sweets before drinking sake." Saitou replied as he swallowed down what he had chewed. Then he reached for the cup and drank the sake. For an instant, he seemed very happy despite his stoic expression.

"Himawari, would you play the shamisen[5]?" Midori asked, smiling slyly. Knowing fully what she meant, I bowed before I stood up and excused myself out of the room.

\OvO

I went to the room where we kept instruments and took a shamisen with its pick. _Midori…she told Sayaka-sama**[6]** that she would take her first customer. Did she mean Saitou-han? How will compete? I haven't chosen my first customer. Despite having levels of choosing partner, I don't see any proper partner yet. If…if I had to choose among men, I would choose…Saitou-han. Still…I can't possible steal Midori's customer._ I sighed.

"What is it?"

"It's about Saitou-han."

"I see. If you're bothered about that. Don't worry, he isn't Midori's first customer."

"Is that true?!" I turned my back and saw Izu, smiling like of a fox. I had been answering unconsciously! How silly of me! I felt my face turned red. I cast my eyes downward. _She's such a bully! _I pouted.

"Himawari." Izu called.

"What? Teasing me?" I asked, knitting my brows together.

"Have some confidence. You are beautiful. First time is very important to your kind; new leaves. Choose someone you are willing to give yourself to." Izu smiled, pinching my cheeks gently with both hands.

"Do you think so?" I asked as my cheeks were being squeezed between Izu's palms.

"Of course. My experiences are not for vain. Trust me." Izu chuckled and let go of my cheeks. Returning her smiles, I smiled brightly at her, showing teeth.

"Thanks, Izu—" A sudden pain coursed through my core. I felt something lurched within. I reflexively held onto my tummy. A foreign chill spread down my spine. It was horrible. Taking first step, I pushed Izu away and headed towards the restroom. _First floor's restroom is far. But I have no choice._

Walking towards the end of the hallway as I endured the pain within, I met Saitou at the end of the stairs leading to upstairs. _N…Not with this appearance!_ I started running towards the hallway. I hoped Saitou didn't recognize me who was bending down, tottering with both hands on my tummy.

"Wait!" A voice called out from behind me. _Please don't tell it's who I think it is. _I glanced backward and saw who I thought it was. _Saitou-han?!_

"Please don't chase me!" I shouted. _I am embarrassing enough!_

"Could you please tell me where the restroom is?! Urgent!" He shouted. But I was at the verge of letting everything out. I felt sorry but I had to use it no matter what. Running with all my might, I didn't reply Saitou. When I realized, Saitou was chasing up to me. He was a step faster than me. _I mustn't lose!_ I increased my speed. With my bare feet I was certain I wouldn't lose. However, Saitou was a trained soldier. He wasn't losing either. He reached an arm and grabbed my kimono from behind, pulling me behind him. It was a dirty play so I raced to his side and tickled him by his side.

Reaching the door, we competed who slid the door faster and entered the restroom faster. I reached for the door but Saitou hit my hand away. I hit his hand away and used my other hand to reach for the door. He hit my hand away again and reached for the door. He slid open the door but I reach a leg out and tripped him. I was guilt-ridden but I had no choice. I entered and shut the door.

"I am very sorry, Saitou-han!" I shouted but there was no reply. That time I was worried whether Saitou had fainted or had he left. But I was dealing with the grumble in my belly. _Must be the manjuu that I ate…_

OvOb

That night, Saitou seemed to have asked for permission to return to Shinsengumi Headquarters first, saying he had emergency. The other members kept having their fun until late night before they returned. By the time they were exiting the entrance, I had just finished a business with my stomach. Then I realized.

_I forgot to return his loincloth!_ That night I couldn't sleep at all, thinking about how I should face Saitou if he came again. I hoped he would visit again but at the same time I also hoped he wouldn't come.

* * *

><p>[1] Japanese traditional clothes.<p>

[2] An honorific used by koshi to call older people around.

[3] Little girl who serves Tayuu.

[4]honorific used in Kyoto. Usually used by oiran when referring to a customer.

[5] Traditional three-stringed instrument.

[6] Honorific used to refer to someone of a great status or used to refer to someone with great respect.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_I wonder what this feeling is… I want to meet him but at the same time I don't want as well. I admit that I like him more than other customers…is this…love? No, I merely favor him over others. I must be hallucinating from yesterday's difficult business in the toilet. Sayaka-sama said the regular shop that Shimabara usually buys sweets from, gave the expired manjuu. The owner has apologized and has paid some ransom. So everything is alright for now._ I buried myself under my blanket, blocking away the sunlight which peered into my room. The birds were chirping cheerfully. Despite the nice weather, I refused to wake up. Pondering the whole night about Saitou had cost my energy this morning. _I need more sleep…_ I shut my eyes and—

"Hima! It's morning! Come on! Wake up! We need to prepare for our business today!" Izu's voice rang as she barged into my room. I peeked from under my blanket and narrowed my eyes at Izu. _Izu-nee has done her hair and make-up…so early in the morning…_ I shut my eyes, diving into the abyss of my mattress.

"Hima! Wake up!" Izu pestered.

"Can't you spare me for another ten minutes?" I begged; doubtful that she would let me sleep anymore. I was correct.

"No. Come on. Chop chop, time for business!" Izu knelt down and began to tug my blanket.

"D-don't pull my blanket! I-I'm not wearing anything!" I was suddenly panicked. I knew it was my bad habit of sleeping without wearing anything because it was more comfortable that way but I had a complete disagreement with people barging into my room when I was sleeping. Truthfully saying, I was very embarrassed when Izu tried to pull my blanket away.

Izu, being quite the mischievous person insisted and pulled my blanket away. I immediately reached for my kimono and covered myself with it. _She's so mean! What is happening to her?_ I pouted my lips and frowned angrily at Izu who was obviously having fun; seeing from how wide her grin was. She was only like this to me.

Izu stood up and approached me. She pulled me up and fixed my kimono. She proceeded to drag me out of my room. Her two loyal servants followed from behind, looking confident to take up any work.

"What is with today? What makes you so happy?" I asked.

"We're going out." Izu smiled brightly.

"Huh? Why do we need to go out?" I wasn't opposing to the idea. It wasn't as if I had never gone out but it was something rare to do since we had everything prepared in this house.

"The manjuu gave you yesterday were expired. You had stomach ache hadn't you? As an apology I'll buy you a hairpin! I'm kind, aren't I?" Izu winked at me. I wanted to refuse but seeing how happy she was just to have a walk with me… I lost the will. _I don't have many hairpins in my drawer so, why not?_

Izu dragged me to the bathroom, bathed me and dragged me to her room. In her room I was dressed and decorated. She did everything on me. To do all these, she must have been very guilty for the manjuu matter. But we had fun choosing which hairpin to use, which sash to match with the kimono and what hair style suited my look today. We chatted for a while and our conversation always led to Saitou. I almost spilled out about Saitou's loincloth and it was so close!

"So…are you in love with him?" Izu nudged my arm as we walked down the stairs, heading to the entrance. Her face showed the rare evil. "What is it that you're hiding from me? Do you think I won't notice?"

"I…don't know." I replied shyly. We finally stepped out of the entrance door, followed by a guard. The breeze was calm yet firm. It had been a while since I breathed the air outside. It felt refreshing. _How long has it been since I visited the town with such occasion? Thank you, Izu._

Izu dragged me around the town, getting me many things I didn't usually get. Needless to say they were expensive. Hairpins of different decoration, sash of different color, new lip paint and even my favorite food; rice cake.

"Hima! Here! This is my favorite hairpin. It doesn't suit me so I'll give it to you. Come on, let me put it on. Stay still." Izu went her way and pushed the hairpin into my hair. She took out a pocket mirror and showed me. "Aren't you beautiful now? I am sure you'll catch up to me soon. So why don't you take Saitou-han as your first? I heard he's quite the man."

"Are you bribing me with this hairpin for information? Izu, you're so cunning! But…thanks. I'll treasure it." I smiled. Izu looked at me with glittering eyes which was her secret technique. There was no way I could get away with those eyes. I sighed, telling her what had happened between me and Saitou from the start. And as I had expected, having heard of such story Izu lost her self-control and laughed out loud despite having her sleeves covering her mouth. Her laughter wouldn't stop so I had to shut her up with my palms.

"But…but his loincloth! Then, when are you going to return it to him?" Izu wiped the tears which were formed from too much of laughter she had.

"When he came for it?" We had done our shopping. It was enjoyable to have a date with Izu. The sun hung high in the sky, shining with its benevolence over mankind. It was noon so we had to rush back to Shimabara. We had around an hour to get there before business opens.

"I see. Good luck." Izu patted my hair gently and walked ahead me.

O3O/

Today was yet another busy day. I ran ups and downs the house to deliver food, sake and instruments. I moved from room to room to serve customers. There were several requests to be my first intimate customer but I told them I was still considering it. They laughed it off kindly, knowing how difficult it must be for me. Amidst of the crowds, I heard that Saitou came for a visit and requested me to serve. I headed there as soon as I finished my delivery but when I came to the entrance, he was nowhere in sight.

"Sayaka-sama, have you seen Saitou-han?" I went to ask.

"He went with Izu." Sayaka replied, not looking away from her book of customer record. To be honest something lurched in my stomach but I didn't quite understand what it was. Perhaps I was just sad that Izu would take Saitou away from me. Yes I knew I prejudiced against Izu. _But… who am I to compare with Izu?_ My mind began to wander but I stopped myself from thinking further, fearing the possible truth. Then, I decided to look for them.

I searched around for a while and I found they were in Izu's private quarter. Curious of what they were talking about, I entered the empty room next to where they were and eavesdropped even to my own disgust. _I can't help it …_

"Saitou-han, please have a drink." I heard Izu spoke. She wasn't doing the three steps of getting close to an oiran. It was odd. _What is Izu planning? She knew I like Saitou-han…right?_

"I prefer dealing with the matter in hand first. What business do you have with me? I thought I asked for another girl." Saitou replied so yet he seemed to sip the sake. _I suppose he can't resist sake. That's somehow…cute._

"You sure are fast in job. What do you think of Himawari then?" Izu proceeded. It caught be by surprise when I heard a mention of my nickname. My heart began to beat fast in anxiety upon the wait for the answer. _What will Saitou-han respond? Could it be that Izu is trying to get us together? Oh God, I feel bad for thinking that Izu is trying to steal him away from me._

"She's fine." Saitou replied soon without even a moment of thinking. Was it a good sign or not, I had no idea. _He's unfathomable._ I thought with a hint of amazement.

"She's experienced in entertaining but she is definitely lacking in serving intimate customer. Would you be her first?" Izu asked. I could imagine her sly smile. How could she ask so?! I could feel my temperature rising and beads of sweat surfacing despite my make-up. I wasn't supposed to be listening but I was really curious if Saitou would be my first.

"I only come to retrieve my item." Saitou replied simple and quick. To his answer I was a bit disappointed but he was right.

"To this pleasure place? Only, to get your item?" Izu seemed to emphasize on the word 'only' perhaps she was hinting that Saitou should get me? _Ehehehehe…this is the fun part. Izu is known for her sharp remarks._

"I see nothing wrong to ask for my item. Is there any problem?"

"I understand. But to leave 'that' thing here… I am sure you were drunk and didn't have any intention of leaving it here… still, isn't it unfair? A girl is willing to give her first to you but you only seem to have interest in your loincloth. Oh my—my tongue slipped. Ohohoho." I couldn't believe Izu decided to disgrace Saitou just to get him to be with me. _She's embarrassing!_

"…alright." Saitou agreed. _Eh? Huh? What? S-seriously?! H-he agreed?!_ My jaw dropped. I felt something stirred within me. I felt so full. I couldn't contain my happiness but I had to hold it back.

"Please come back at night time. I'll make sure I manage her well. Please, take care of her." Izu begged, emphasizing the last line. She sounded very… concerned. _Oops…they are leaving. I must make myself disappear before they see me. _With my fast legs, I ran as fast as I could downstairs and returned to my job as if I had listened to nothing.

However I wasn't a person of pretense. As the result I did poorly in my job.

"Himawari! How many cups have you broke?!" Sayaka scolded.

"I'm sorry…" I apologized. _Saitou-han, it's your fault that I can't stop thinking about tonight!_ I mentally blamed him but I was truly happy deep inside. Although Izu had to use some unmanly trick, we weren't men anyway. But what face should I put on when facing him?

"Himawari, what is wrong? You have been breaking cups, plates and you have been spilling sake on customers. It's still noon! Are you sick? Or are you drunk?" Sayaka pried. I nervously replied that I was fine. But as expected for the owner… she was very persistent since I was one of her money-maker. I tried to avoid her but she kept following me wherever I went. When I went to the toilet and she waited outside. Even I found it annoying…

"Sayaka-sama… I am fine. Really." I said, sighing.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good to me though. What the heck is going on? Does it have something to do with Saitou-han?"

"Uh—"

"See? I hit the jack-pot. Now spill it. Or I'll never let Saitou-han meet you."

"…I want him…to be my first intimate customer." I replied shyly, covering my face with my sleeves. As soon as I said so, Sayaka seemed to cheer aloud. She was waiting for this moment as if it was the best moment of her life. She embraced me, pinching my cheeks and patted me.

"Good. As long as you're ready yourself. Be nice to him, alright? You'll be fine. After this… you'll be fine with other customers as well. But…take your time to get close to Saitou-han. You sure have grown. How many years have it been? First is always frightening but not with someone of your choice." Sayaka smiled gently. She felt like a mother at the moment of letting her daughter off to a marriage. I didn't remember my mother since she died early when I was still young. Would my life be different if my mother were still alive?

I nodded and smiled.

"Could this be the reason why Izu brought to shopping? Look at you all pretty and ready to get married off." Sayaka joked, looking me ups and downs. "This hairpin… Izu gave it to you right? It's her favorite. You look good with it." She complimented.

"Yes, Sayaka-sama."

"I'll put you off for work. Make yourself presentable for the night."

\O3O

No kidding. I was nervous; very nervous. I could hear my heartbeat and I could hear my breath getting heavy. Sweat pours on my flesh. No matter how many baths I took, I couldn't get rid of this anxiety. There were some courtesans who had their first once they had mutual feelings with customers. Majority of them even had their first kiss already. I had never even had my first kiss yet. So far I had only held hands with customers. _What should I do if I messed it up? I'm hopeless! Izu is handling guests so I can't disturb. _I got into the bath tub and dived under water. This was the third time I bathed today. I pondered and considered many things. _Which fragrance stick should I choose for the room? Which kimono should I coordinate? Which hairpin? Which hairstyle? Which sash? Will he like me? Will he like me? How should I speak up to return his belonging?_

In the end I chose the pink kimono I liked best and everything Izu had brought for me this morning. I took a close look at the hairpin she gave. It was decorated with a single morning glory with glitters on it. The stick was brown, compatible with the purple color. _It's so pretty…_ I kept the hairpin away, thinking that I would wear it when I became a Tayuu.

Since thinking about Saitou-han wouldn't help me calm down, I went to get the mochi(rice cake) I purposely left for my recess time to eat. I ate it and savored the graceful tenderness in my mouth. It put my mind at ease at once. Still, the food ended up in my stomach and I had nothing else to distract my mind. I began to wonder worthless things whether I looked good or not, whether the room was fragrant enough, etc.

All the wondering took a great deal of time. I didn't notice that the day had turned dark. It was almost night time. I re-arranged my room, moving things here and there. I sat and I stood. I paced back and forward. I was restless. I immediately threw my butt on my mattress at the notice of a koshi, saying that Saitou was at the door. I exhaled and inhaled.

"Come." I said and I saw the door opened. Then, I saw the man whom I favored walked in. He placed himself sitting in front of me. I didn't dare to look at him for what had happened between us had made it awkward.

"I apologize for not being available when you asked for me, Saitou-han." I gave a slight bow to him. He dismissed me quickly saying it was not a big deal. I had no idea whether this was when I should face him or not. But before I even started to think about it, a hand cupped my chin and tilted my head upwards. _His hand is rough…but gentle…_ Our eyes met and I felt the stir in my stomach again. It felt as if there were butterflies inside.

"Be at ease. I shall no touch you." He said. "I'm here to have my property returned." His eyes didn't waver, he didn't stutter and he was his stoic self.

I reached for the item and returned it to him. "I have washed it and I am sorry for not returning it that day. I also apologize for the…restroom incident." I apologized with the biggest embarrassment I had ever had. "The manjuus were expired."

"Do you want to be forgiven?" He asked.

"O-of course! Please forgive me!" I bowed.

"I'll forgive you if you poured me sake." He said, smiling a little but his smile disappeared soon. Was it me being too sensitive about his presence or did he really smile? I had no clear clue about it but it certainly made me glad.

"Y-yes!" I smiled bright; losing my composure as a tenjin(second rank courtesan; under tayuu). Then I remembered I wasn't supposed to smile like that. _Like training…training…_ I smiled embarrassedly.

"Why are you trying so hard not to smile? Aren't you Himawari? The Sunflower? Shimabara's rule doesn't apply on me much. You fit your name." He raised an eyebrow. "By the way, sake." He prodded.

"Ah! Y-yes sir!" I proceeded to pour sake into his cup.

"More." He asked and I poured more. His mysterious demeanor made excited. _What does he usually do in his free time? What is his favorite food? His favorite drink must be sake. Where does he come from?_

"How does it…taste?" He didn't show any contentment so I had to ask.

"The taste is fine. It'll be better if served with a smile." He stared at me, making me nervous. We didn't say a word at this moment. When our eyes met for the second time, everything seemed lost; even the time and space. It was as if we owned the space and time. The butterflies fluttered again in my belly. Could this be the moment?

"Saitou-han… to you i—" I opened my mouth to tell him that I would give myself to him but before I managed to spew every words out, a sudden scream rang throughout the Shimabara pleasure house. It sounded familiar. A pang of fear crawled on my heart and chewed on it. I excused myself to check what was happening. Opening the door to two frightened koshi, I questioned them but they seemed to know nothing.

"I'll leave for now. I'll see what has happened." Saitou excused himself. However I didn't want to be left unknown of what was happening. I pursued and tugged on his sleeve.

"Take me too. I want to know." I said with my eyes transfixed at his.

He nodded and led the way. We ran to the backyard where we thought the source was but there was nothing. We searched around and still found nothing.

"Someone must have seen a mouse or cockroach." Saitou attempted to comfort me but I knew that scream wasn't a scream when someone saw mouse or cockroach. It was more of… a scream of being cornered. _We found nothing and that's a fact._

Shortly, Sayaka and several guards came. Saitou reported that he found nothing wrong with the backyard and he also said the same thing he had told me. Then he excused himself quickly.

That night, Shimabara was covered with uncertainty and insecurity. The owner went to confirm every inhabitants of Shimabara, making sure no one was hurt or lost. Everyone lwas good but Izu had disappeared. Shimabara was in chaos without its rose.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Since that night of Izu's disappearance, a week had passed. For the whole week, there was no news at all. No one in Shimabara knew what had happened to Izu, including me. Local police was reported of the incident and some of them were hired to search around Shimabara to find nothing at all.

It was soon morning before I knew it. I woke up, feeling the odd coldness which pierced through my spine. I propped myself up. I could feel my long black hair slid on my bare back. I glanced around my room and saw that the window was open. I must have forgotten to shut it last night. I couldn't sleep yesterday night that I decided to stay up and watch the crescent moon. _Izu…where are you_?

I stood up and went to shut the window. Before I pulled it close, I saw the bright sun rise which shone beautifully.

'_Do you know why Shimabara is called place without night? Because we serve as suns for people who have lost their warmth. We give them warmth.' Isn't it, Izu? But without mother sun, the rests will lose their brightness. Come back soon, Izu._ I recalled what Izu had once told me when I was younger.

I believed that being down wouldn't bring Izu back so I decided that I would work hard on her behalf as well. I was second after her. When she was absent, I must take her place to serve her customers. I was her next successor once her freedom was redeemed too. I must be strong just like how she had always been.

I shut the window and pinched myself, waking me up from the drowning sorrow. Thinking about Izu's whereabouts helped no one. It was better to keep myself busy so I went to have a bath. Still, I always ended up thinking about her in the tub. Of course, I did my best to think something else! _Ufufufu… _I tried thinking about sweets and my beloved Saitou. _Will Saitou-han visit today_?

I finished my bath faster than usual and returned to my room. I sat before the mirror and took a close look at my face. _You can do it, Himawari!_ I encouraged myself as I slapped my cheeks. I picked up my brush and started to color my face and shoulders white. I took the powder container and with a small fluffy brush, I brushed it all over my face. With a burnt match, I drew my eyebrows. I placed the match down and picked up a small pointed brush to color my lips in red. Next, I proceeded to my hair. Once I set it in place, I placed a golden comb, four kougai (hair sticks usually made of tortoiseshell or artificial colored in yellow or gold) and two kanzashi(hair stick) with two red marbles at each ends.

I picked my choice of kimono and purposely wore the sash(obi) tighter than usual. I straightened my back. I was ready. Hence, I left my room. I was prepared to serve in place of Izu. Of course, as Izu's representative, I had my rights to accept and to reject customers; until Izu returned.

"Hima, hurry. Izu's guests are pestering! They are new!" Sayaka came and reported so.

With quick pace I walked to the room. Getting near the room I heard 'Get Izu! We want to see her dance!' Two Koshis opened the door and immediately announced my arrival as I entered the room in graceful little steps.

_Be proud, be arrogant. Right?_ I recalled what Izu had taught me and lifted my face to look at them coldly. I placed myself sitting far from them. I bowed a bit. "My name is Himawari, while Izu is away I shall replace her. Enjoy your stay." I spoke without looking at their eyes.

"So Izu is not here?" One of them questioned. I glanced a bit and saw his disappointed face. Honestly, I was worried that they might find out that Izu had disappeared but I supposed there was nothing to worry about as long as none of Shimabara's inhabitants spoke of it.

"I have seen Izu's parade before. She is truly gorgeous! Now that I have earned enough money to pay for her accompany I came… Yet…she's not here. Wasted money…What a shame."

"Well, please dance." another one spoke, sighing as he drank his sake. It was only a glance but my experience so far told me that they were unworthy. I must not jump to any conclusion though. This was a business.

I asked the shamisen player to hit the notes of Kurokami(black hair) while I danced. I did what I could do best. Izu had praised for my dance and so I had confidence in it. As I danced, I recalled Saitou. _If only he had asked me to dance for him back then…_ I thought but I erased the thought soon. I told myself I had to be serious as Izu's proxy. A moment had passed and I finished my dance. Thus, I returned to my seat.

"Well, Himawari isn't bad but… Izu would have worth our money better."

"Agree… agree…" They conversed. I was well aware that I wasn't that precious. I knew how beautiful and witty Izu was. Of course I knew how I was nothing compared to Izu. Jealous of Izu's beauty, I would never be.

"I heard Izu's Orochi dance is spectacular! I wish I could see it now in front of my eyes! Dream is something that won't happen easily huh?"

"Hahaha! Keep dreaming! I doubt she would serve you! Not even a look!"

"That will only excite me! One day, I would definitely get into her room! And you know what will happen…heheh!"

Listening to them hurt my ears. I knew clearly what a courtesan's job and obligation were. However, it was an eyesore to watch unruly people spoke of her in such disrespectful way. Sure, I was only Izu's replacement but if I stayed in this room, Izu would have to deal with them when she returned. Business was business but manner was another matter. Did they not know that manner was an access to a courtesan's attention?

Fed up with their behavior and manner, I stepped out of the room.

"Hey, where are you going?!" They halted me. I spun around and eyed them disgustingly. I couldn't bear to look them long. They had spoken of Izu in such hideous way, I couldn't tolerate!

"Dearest guests must not be local people hence, the foul manner. To accompany you who know nothing of respect, I am a shame to my sister. Excuse me." I spoke with suppressed anger. I left with fast steps.

"Such an odd…beauty she is." One of the men said. I wasn't in the mood to feel flattered, sadly.

Once I exited the horrible accompany, I saw Sayaka running to me.

"More guests!" In the main hall!" Sayaka said in between gasps. She seemed restless and exhausted but accomplished. It concerned me that she might collapse. I frowned as I took her hands.

"Sayaka-sama… Don't force yourself." I said.

"No I'm not. Don't worry. Just do your best as Izu's prox—ah… no. Hima, I believe Izu will not return. If…if…you would take her place…" Sayaka spoke with pauses. She seemed reluctant and anxious.

Having heard of her persuasion, a fury grew within my heart. There was no proof that Izu wouldn't return. I wouldn't believe that unless Izu was confirmed to have escaped on her own will.

"Izu will be back!" I persisted. "She will be back! She's our sun. She's Shimabara's rose. No one can take her place." I stomped away towards the next room I was going to serve.

"You are enough!"

"Have Kiku to do it! She's also a Tenjin! She's enough as well!" I suggested an oiran of the same status I had. She wasn't bad. She was also under Izu's guidance but she spent more time serving guests than to learn from Izu.

"Do the parade, Himawari!" Sayaka shouted but I chose to turn deaf at it. "You are the next Tayuu! Himawari!" I could hear Sayaka's furious shout. _How can I take her place? I can't! _I bit my lower lip, holding myself back from remembering Izu who had been so kind to me. Nevertheless, her smile always appeared in my mind, reminding me how important she was to me. Everything I had now was taught by Izu. All skills I had now were due to her guidance. No matter what Sayaka said, I mustn't step on her name and disrespect her in such way until her status was confirmed.

OwO/

I reached the main hall. It was the biggest room prepared for crowds. Inside, were people of Satsuma Clan seeing from the crest sewn on their haori(outer shirt). I entered and leaned forward slightly as I greeted them; coldly of course.

"My name is Himawari, Izu's proxy. I'll be entertaining you tonight." I said as I placed myself sitting at the corner of the room, in front of shamisen players.

"Welcome! Dance then!" Said a man who seemed to be the chief of the group.

I kept my mind straight and focused on dancing. This time, I decided to dance Sagi Musume. I told the shamisen player and started. As I danced, I glanced a few times at the guests and noticed that…no one was paying attention to me. Seeing so, I decided to put more strength into my swing of arm, handkerchief and even fan. Still, nobody looked at me. I took a step forward and kept dancing. When I thought my effort was in vain, some people cheered for me, it made me happy to know someone had acknowledged my existence.

"Great! Nice!"

I finished my dance, bowed and returned to my seat. Only those few men clapped their hands while the others were busy drinking sake with the girls they chose to serve them.

"Kiku, I really want to redeem you. Will you wait for me?"

"Of course, Masa-han." Kiku smiled brightly, leaning her head on a man's shoulder. They seemed happy. Witnessing such view, I felt glad. _Kiku must have loved that man, looking from her smile. Although we are not allowed to bear love…once the man redeems her, they are allowed to love each other like people of outside world. _Then I realized Kiku couldn't be the next Tayuu. Once she became a Tayuu, she would have to sacrifice her love. _Would Saitou-han redeem me if I had asked?_

The rest of time I spent it by sitting there and listened to what they conversed until they ended their celebration. They parted one by one as they spewed some sweet words to the girls, leaving a man who stood still. _He clapped his hands for me when I performed…_ I was about to leave the room when Sayaka entered.

"Hima, this young man here wants to have a talk with you regarding Izu. Apparently, he's from local police." Sayaka whispered. I glanced at the man and turned my gaze back at Sayaka. I nodded and approached him. I bowed. _Izu…_

"I'm sorry for inconvenience. I'm here to ask you about Izu's disappearance. I heard you're close to Izu Tayuu. My name is Egawa Jun. Pleased to make acquaintance with you." This man called Egawa smiled and bowed. He seemed younger than me but he appeared very mature. His hair was short-cut and he wore a simple green bandana. I admitted that he was quite good-looking.

"Yes. I believe it's better to talk while we drink some tea. Come." I led him back into the main hall which was now empty and asked one of the maids to serve us tea. As I entered the room, I saw Saitou at the corner of my eyes. A slight pain burned in my heart. I couldn't stop now. I must know something about Izu.

"How long have you two been together?" Egawa began.

"It's been ten years since I was brought here." I replied. Little pieces of memory returned to me. Izu used to buy me candies, Izu used to bring me anywhere she went, and Izu used to accompany me to sleep when I had nightmares. Izu was my home.

"How close are you two?"

"We are like sisters. Close and inseparable." I took a deep breath. "But she suddenly disappeared. Do you know where she is?" I asked.

"Unfortunately we have no clue yet." Egawa looked shook his head, smiling apologetically. "What kind of person is Izu Tayuu?" He proceeded.

"She's…really, she's stubborn, selfish, egoistic, obnoxious, mischievous, rude, every bad thing I can say! Why did she suddenly disappear? If she had problems or troubles she could have told me!...still, she's the kindest sister I have ever had." I said. Unknown to me tears began to pour. When I realized, i quickly lifted up my sleeves to hide my face.

"I understand that." Egawa responded as he took a handkerchief and passed it to me which I reluctantly accepted.

"You understand?" I tilted my head, clueless.

"Don't you remember me? I used to be Izu's guest. But due to my work, I can't visit her often." Egawa said. "I agree that Izu is everything what you have said. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, not only her physical beauty but her inner beauty as well." Egawa raised his eyebrows, still smiling.

"But she has personality problem; definitely." I said, looking away as I remembered how Izu barged into my room when I was sleeping or when I was changing. Those experiences were questioned to Izu but she answered with a single 'deliberately' as she stuck her tongue out at me playfully.

"She used to play prank on me too. Ahahaha, to think I was stupid to fall into her tricks." Egawa sipped his tea before he continued on. "She asked me to help her with an errand. She pleaded me with a sort of hopelessness in her eyes. Since I had free time, I went and did what she asked."

"What did she ask for?"

"A hen."

_A…a hen?! _I was speechless. I blinked in confusion. _Did Izu really do so? Now that I recall it… Shimabara had ever been busy chasing a hen many years ago. So it was Izu's deed?!_ I gulped nervously. I felt guilty somehow.

"When I brought it in, I was asked to wait for her. She didn't show up in the end. While I waited, I dozed off. Apparently during my nap, the hen ran away. Ahahaha…" Egawa laughed. I felt very sorry for him. If I weren't wrong…that time Izu secretly brought me to dango(Japanese dumpling made of rice flour) store.

"Then, whenever I visited she would have someone to bring me to the room she asked. When I reached there, she was nowhere in sight. Only a scrap of paper was left." Egawa sighed with a disappointed smile. He took another sip of his tea and said, "The paper was written numbers. It was a puzzle I must solve to find her. To be honest, it was difficult. I couldn't solve it so I gave up and went home." He began to sob.

_Seriously…Izu…you shouldn't have pulled such trick on him…it's really difficult to keep our conversation going! _My heart boiled in uneasy tension. From all my social experience I really had no idea how to respond to Egawa's case.

"The next time I visited, she left a message asking me to be friends with one of her customers." Egawa added.

_Izu! What were you doing?! Making them compete?! Burn jealousy between them?! Were you aware that it was risky?! _I couldn't believe what Izu had done. If both of them were jealous, there could have been a corpse! If both of them were jealous, Izu would have been a target as well! _My God. I can imagine Izu's mischievous face._

I bowed deeply. "I am very sorry for the troubles she made!"

"Oh no, it's alright. Ah, about the puzzle she left me, I recently solved it. What do you think she left?" Egawa chuckled.

"Uhm…I have no idea." I straightened my back and sat properly.

"It was a note, specifically a message. But it wasn't a clue to where she was when I visited that time." Egawa looked away with a nonchalant expression.

"Then…what was it?" I blinked my eyes twice, leaning forward a bit.

"When I solved it, it reads… 'Thank you for the delicious chicken' ahahaha…ahaha…" Egawa laughed dryly.

"…" I became wordless. Now that I recalled it, Izu and I had a feast from the chicken which roamed around Shimabara that day. I bowed again and apologized as many as it took for Egawa to forgive Izu. He dismissed me immediately though. He didn't seem angry or annoyed. _Egawa-han is a nice man._

"And there's another note. It reads 'catch me'. It lifts my spirit up that day. So I have been working hard to redeem her yet… when I came, she has disappeared again. It felt as if I was almost reaching to her then she faded away. It's like…she's unreachable."

"When she's back, I'll make sure she apologize to you properly, Egawa-han." I bowed again. To say I was innocent wasn't quite right, I ate the chicken and I was with Izu when she was supposed to be with Egawa. I had half of the responsibility.

Of all tactless guests Izu had met and had made into her toys, Egawa was special. No one who had been pranked by Izu would be given such note, moreover, the 'catch me' phrase. Could it be that Izu was giving him a chance?

Egawa and I chatted for quite some time until he excused himself to work. I hoped whatever we had talked about helped even if it was only a little. I told him several placed Izu used to visit with me and Egawa said he would check them tomorrow. Thus, our meeting ended.

OwOb

That evening was hectic. I was busy the whole time serving clients which belonged to Izu. Fortunately everything was going smooth without a single defect. However what wasn't going smooth was Shimabara's reputation. It seemed that the news that Izu had disappeared had spread throughout the town. Well, it was obvious. Faster or later people would know.

Serving clients wasn't a problem. What troubled me was, people's assumptions. After the guests left the room, faint speeches i could hear. It wasn't pleasant at all.

"Himawari is nice but don't you think she's the one who plans Izu's disappearance?"

"She must have plotted the kidnapping of Izu."

"Could she have killed Izu?"

"She must have wanted Izu's position."

"It makes sense that she wants to compete with Izu."

"But don't you think she's decent enough to be the next rose?"

I sat tight there as I listened to those nasty comments. The sum of praises I received couldn't be compared with the sum of random assumptions. _Hima, assumptions are assumptions. Your conscience is clear. There's nothing to feel bad about. Still…why do I feel confined to those says? Not to mention Tayuu, as a Tayuu's proxy is enough torture. All the clients to serve and patrons to apologize to._ I sighed as silent as I could mutter. It was burdening. However, there was one thing I could be sure. Izu was gorgeous. There was no one who could match her.

The door slid open abruptly and I cast my eyes to the door reflexively. What was reflected in my eyes was a mix of relief, happiness and prejudice.

"Himawari." Said the man. I couldn't mutter anything as I was stunned to the existence of that man. I stared at him until he said again, "Himawari." Ah, how sweet the name sounded when he said it.

"S-Saitou-han…" I responded. I was happy to see him. I was happy that he came to see me. I was relieved to have my burden cast away upon his sight. Yet I was afraid that he might believe those rumors.

"Himawari!" A familiar voice called from outside. Soon, another man showed up by the door. It was Egawa. He looked exhausted. He must have run all the way here.

"Tch."

"Egawa-han?"

"There's something I forgot to ask regarding Izu… about…the places…she used to…visit." Egawa spoke in between gasps.

"What is it—" I asked but a sudden scream of terror rang throughout Shimabara. An oiran came running through the hallway with disarrayed clothes. Her face, neck, arms and feet were wet. She must have been from the bathroom. In spite of not wearing any makeup, she looked as white as sheet as if she had seen something terrible.

"What happened?" I stood up and questioned. However, she seemed too terrified to say anything. Her teeth chattered and her eyes welled up with tears which flowed down like river. She fell onto her knees when I barely reached out to her. I held her shoulders as to comfort her.

"A…a hand in the tub! I-I I was about to step into the tub after cleaning myself t-then... I-I saw a hand floating in the tub. " She spoke as she sobbed. I took off my haori(outer shirt) and covered her shivering body.

"Bring her inside." I told two koshis which stood behind me. "Tell Sayaka-sama like you're telling a secret."

_A hand?_ An uneasy feeling smothered my heart and swallowed it in fear. I was afraid but I gathered my courage to step towards the bathroom. As if it was natural, Saitou and Egawa followed from behind.

Reaching the tub the oiran mentioned. Indeed, I saw a hand. A familiar silver bracelet decorated by the wrist of the hand and I immediately recognized it. Feeling my legs numb, I fell off balance and sat next to the tub. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to understand it. Yet…I knew it all. _Izu's bracelet!_

Seeing the white graceful hand with the silver bracelet, I felt hope died out within me. I gasped for air, attempting to calm myself as well as to convince myself to think positively. There was nothing positive around. Couldn't contain the burst of sorrow, tears leaked from my eyes and I covered my mouth with a hand to prevent any cry coming out. Nevertheless, it was all too heavy to carry by myself.

"Cry." Saitou came to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. I grabbed his arms to support myself to stand up. As I trembled, Saitou patted my back while propping me up. His hands felt like magic; as if they were cast with spell. _Why are they so comforting?_ I felt the warmth spread across my cold body and a relief began to wrap my already fragile heart. However, the dread continued to haunt us; Shimabara.

"Sayaka-sama! Kiku…Kiku is…Kiku is dead!" A shout of a woman announced a murder. "It must be the work of the priestess of great serpent!"

It came to me as a shock. _Kiku is…dead?!_ I freed myself from Saitou's support. Despite fumbling on my footing, I began to run with whatever strength I had left towards Kiku's room. While I was on my way through the hallway to her room, I saw splatters of blood seeped from the gap of the sliding door.

I slid open the door in one swing and fell onto my knees upon the tragic sight of Kiku whose eyes were open wide with fear. She was as cold as ice when I reached a trembling hand to shut her eyes. The room was a pool of blood.

_Kiku! _I gasped for air as shock began to overwhelm me. That moment I noticed. Kiku had lost a hand. It was cut. Tears halted. _It wasn't Izu's hand…?!_

"Hima!" I could head Sayaka called but I couldn't turn my eyes away from Kiku's body. Kiku who had looked beautiful this earlier evening…had turned stone cold. She, who had found love in the cage. _Found love in cage, with torn wings. Now lost in red._ I felt my whole body went numb.

"Hima! It's enough!" Sayaka fell to her knees and covered my eyes with her hands. She cried. "Hima!"

"Sayaka-san!" Egawa's voice came. There were double footsteps, Saitou must be with him. "Egawa-han, could you please help returning guests back home? Shimabara is closed for the day." Sayaka requested. Egawa must have agreed seeing them walking away quickly.

"Saitou-han, please look after Hima for a while. I apologize for the inconvenience." Sayaka said before she went away.

I looked at Saitou. He was my only relief. Looking at him, I attempted to smile. I couldn't smile. My heart felt as if it were stopped. I couldn't hear my breathing.

"Himawari." Saitou crouched down beside me. "Himawari, don't forget."

"Don't forget? What is to not forget, Saitou-han?" I stared at him.

"Don't forget to cry." Saitou said.

"I…I…I can't. I can't cry. I must be cold. I must be arrogant. I am an oiran. That's what Izu taught me. Oiran mustn't cry no matter how bad the situation is."

Saitou didn't say anything in return. He placed a hand by my nape and pulled me into his arms. Within such proximity, I could smell his fragrance. _His sweat and his scent…_ I circled my arms around his back. My hands instinctively clutched on his shirt as they trembled.

Saitou carried me towards my room. Within his arms, I felt safe. With his arms occupied, he slid open the door with his foot. We were welcomed by the smell of lavender incense in my room. We entered. He slid close the door. Then, he placed me down on my bed.

"You can cry here." Saitou sat beside me.

"No." I refused as I stared blankly at him. _How is he not afraid? Ah…he's in shinsengumi. Of course. He kills people. _"Saitou-han…how many people have you killed?"

"I don't remember. Many." He replied and stared straight back at my eyes. A pregnant silence engulfed us within. "Are you afraid of me? I am a murderer."

I shook my head slowly as I leaned forward and reached a hand out to hold his cheek. "How to get used to such happenings?" I looked closely at his features. His reddish tan, his straight a bit bushy eyebrows, his sharp eyes, his pointed nose, his never smiling lips and his jaw-line were beautiful in my eyes. He was so beautiful that I felt hurt. _If I were the next target of murder…would you be sad?_

Saitou held my hand tight and released it from his cheek. He placed my palm onto his chest. Right through my palm, I could feel his heartbeat. It was fast. Could he be afraid as well?

"You can't get used to the loss."

"Then, what can I do to be freed from this tormenting feeling? This…feel. It's as if my heart is bleeding inside."

Saitou didn't reply me. He stared into my eyes. I knew that the answer was to cry everything out; distress, frustration, and sorrow. Holding onto Izu's teaching, I held myself back from crying.

"Your eyes are void. What do you conceal behind the emptiness?" Saitou pulled me to him. He pressed his forehead onto my forehead. Our noses touched. He kept his eyes on my eyes.

"Saitou-han…"

"I killed someone when I was eighteen and fled. It wasn't pleasant. It was the same feeling like what you are feeling now." Saitou separated us away and spoke. "What do you think I did back then?"

I shook my head. I knew he must have killed people but I didn't expect he would have killed someone around my age. I cast my eyes down, trying to suppress my feelings.

"I cried."

_He cried…? A stoic man like him…cried? _I tilted my head to look at him.

Saitou nodded. I knew he was trying to tell me that it was unnecessary to keep my strong walls on. Still, I couldn't disregard what Izu had carved into me. I kept my eyes on Saitou.

He placed both hands on my shoulders and pushed me down on my bed. He lay on his side as he watched over me. Tears began to pour as I looked at him. "Saitou-han, I look ugly when I cry. D-do you mind?" he shook his head.

"Himawari is himawari."

"I…I…I…I was scared. I was so scared! Izu disappeared. Kiku died. And that…that bracelet…it belongs to Izu! Why was it worn by someone else's hand?! Why is this happening to Shimabara? Why do people assume I do all this? Why do people think I would harm my own sisters?!" I cried.

Saitou pulled me into his arms and embraced me. The louder I wailed, the weaker I felt. Slowly I shut my heavy eyelids and succumbed into deep sleep.


	5. Author's note

There's a change in the story with added information/footnotes.

I apologize for the inconvenience.

If dear readers would, you may re-read from chapter 1.

New comers/readers who have just started reading this series, you may go to the next chapter.

if it's too much of a bother, i'll put brief explanation.

in short, Himawari isn't a full-fledged oiran yet. She is still a virgin and she hasn't given her mizuage(virginity) to anyone. When she chose Saitou to be her first intimate customer, she meant that she would give her virginity to Saitou because she prefers him over other men. So when she is about to be a full-fledged oiran, Izu suddenly disappears which rushes Sayaka to choose her as the next Tayuu.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Are you going back, Saitou-han?" I pulled the blanket over myself. An all-night cry did my eyes well; my eyes were swollen badly. It had been such a long time since I cried. I remembered the first time I cried when I came to Shimabara. When my father brought me here, I held my tears back. I held my emotions back because I knew I had to go to feed them; to keep them alive(I didn't try to contact them because I thought it wasn't necessary as long as I knew Sayaka-sama had been sending them money). When I was given to Izu, she smiled at me gently and embraced me. It was alright to cry in front of her she said. Upon her kindness and warm welcome, I cried.

"Hm." Saitou didn't say much. Maybe it was because it was morning. Maybe he wasn't a morning person. He slid his arms into the sleeves of his outer coat. Then he slid his swords through his sash.

The longer I looked at him, the funnier it was to see his unkempt bed hair. I removed the blanket and approached him. I took the decorative comb which had always been in my hair and combed Saitou's hair with it. He flinched due to my touch but he didn't seem to mind it much. I proceeded to untie the string which kept his ponytail together and with my fingers I raked his hair. Gently I combed his dark black hair.

I yelped when he suddenly grabbed my wrist. I didn't struggle. I felt comfortable to his touch. He then took my hand close to his face and kissed my index finger. I had no idea what it meant but he seemed okay with it. So I guessed it was…fine?

"I'll come again." He gazed at me. My heart jumped upon his piercing stare. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say.

Saitou excused himself and left with his hair untied and left the string with me.

_He is better than other guests. I chose him because he is more decent than other perverts, but…he is way too nice. If I fell for him….what would happen? I think, I'm starting to like him…Izu, what should I do? I feel my heart is about to burst when he comes close. I know he's just a customer but…he's…special. _I felt my face flushed red. I fell butt first on the floor as I tried to calm myself down. I removed my hair ornaments; set my hair free. I put the ornaments on the desk and I proceeded to do my daily routine. Sniffing on the sleeves of my clothes, I smelled Saitou's scent. My blood felt as if it was boiling out of sudden. _H-he embraced me to sleep…o-of course his scent would stick._

To be honest, I wanted the scent to stay. I had no particular reason. Maybe it was because…I liked his scent or perhaps he was my first customer. Still, I had to change another clothes. Today would be another busy day.

After the bath, I was about to get dressed when Sayaka came into my room. I stared at her, wondering what her intention was. She had never come into my room. I stopped what I was doing and sat facing her.

"Good morning." She greeted and I bowed. She placed herself sitting beside me. What was about to come surprised me. Sayaka took my hair and combed it with utmost gentleness. It had been so long since I had anyone to comb my hair ever since Izu disappeared.

"Sayaka-sama…"

"Don't say anything. I know. It's hard to accept about Izu's disappearance. She hasn't been found even now." Sayaka said. "But Hima, Shimabara needs the next Tayuu. You understand that don't you?"

_I knew it. There's something she wants from me. _I positioned myself to face Sayaka. I looked straight into her eyes and spoke, "I have no such intention—"

"—see? She doesn't want to take it. Sayaka-sama, let me take it." Someone else barged into my room. My eyes darted towards the woman and I recognized her. _Midori… _I stared at her. She seemed to look down on me despite speaking with so much formality. I had no intention to let her have the position either. _Shimabara's Tayuu is Izu!_

"We haven't even—" Sayaka spoke but I intercepted.

"—I will not let you have it."

"Didn't you say you have no intention to be a Tayuu?" Midori leaned on the door frame, folding her arms over her chest. She held a smoking stick in a hand. She sucked the tobacco and blew it into my room, making it smell.

"I have no intention of becoming a Tayuu but I have no intention to let you have it too. Shimabara's rose…Shimabara's Tayuu is Izu." I said.

"Izu?" Midori scoffed. "She's long dead!"

"Shut that foul mouth up!" I stood up as I glared at her. _I will not have anyone insult my sister!_

"She has long gone and hasn't been back. What do you expect? She has escaped? With Kiku being killed and Izu's bracelet on Kiku's wrist? Wake up!" She argued.

"But it doesn't prove that Izu's dead. You have no proofs either. Stop spouting nonsense!" I retorted. I clenched my fists; angry upon people's deduction that Izu had left this world. I would never accept it. I would never believe it.

"Hima!" Sayaka called. "Shimabara has decided that Izu has retired."

"….How could you…How could you do that?!" My heart ached of the decision. Even if everyone assumed that Izu was dead, I would never. She would return.

"Why don't we compete against each other then? If I won, I would be the next Tayuu. But if you won, you could do whatever you want with it" Midori challenged. She puffed another round of smoke.

"…fine." I accepted it. I had no other choice to save the place for Izu when she came back.

"Sayaka-sama, please be the judge for fairness." Midori looked at Sayaka and then to me. "We will compete with poem, flower arrangement, playing shamisen, dance, 'eight' walk, and calligraphy." She looked confident as she inhaled her tobacco and released the venomous smoke.

Sayaka sighed; losing to the flow of our argument. She seemed to think for a while but she nodded in the end.

Midori smirked as she left my room. "Get dressed." She said with a scoff.

Sayaka urged the dressed to get me dressed quickly. I was soon ready to be faced with a quality contest. I wasn't looking for it but I must. I had to preserve the position for my sister. With frail hope I marched to where Midori was. Once I entered the room, I saw that the tools were prepared. Midori was already sitting before a desk with a piece of paper, ink and a brush. I placed myself sitting before the desk beside hers while Sayaka placed herself sitting in front of us.

"Will this be a poem or a word?" I asked.

"Poem." Sayaka replied. "You may start." She signaled and we held onto our own brushes. We soaked the hairs black with ink and with balance we held it straight above the papers.

I glanced at Midori and vice-versa. She smiled brightly.

_Remember in writing poem, keep it short but meaningful. It's merely my preference though. Write as your heart desires. _I recalled what Izu had once told me. That moment, I began pouring my heart's content. It didn't took me long to think. I moved my brush smoothly over the paper and finished it rather quickly. I put my brush down and glanced over at Midori who was also done.

Sayaka took our papers and read it aloud one by one. She read mine first.

"Go as you may, return as you may. Longing this heart does." Sayaka read as she nodded. She proceeded to read Midori's. "Blue of the day. Black of the night. Strong embrace you gave."

We waited for the decision. I kept my eyes on Sayaka who was looking closely at the works. I could feel a pair of eyes on me and it was no other than Midori.

"They are both alright. But Midori's lacks relation. Himawari wins." Sayaka announced. I was a bit happy upon the announcement but I told myself that I couldn't lower my guard. Midori was full of smile. She didn't seem defeated.

Two little servants provided each of us new piece of paper. We knew what was coming. It was calligraphy. We soaked our brushes with ink again and began writing what we wanted to write.

_Love. Fear. Peace. Death. Flower. Snow. Truth. Lies. Oh no, I can't think of anything that might fit… _I let my brush hover over the paper for a while. My mind turned blank. I grew anxious. _What if I can't do it? I mustn't lose._ I pulled my sleeve upwards. I took a deep breath and felt the fear smother my spine. I had to think of something. A word with a balanced shape.

"I'm done." Midori said as she put down her brush. I was suddenly panicked.

_What word, what word, what word, what word…? _Anxiety gnawed on my heart, spreading fear into it. I saw a drop of ink fell onto the paper. That moment, a memory hit me hard. Why had I forgotten about it? Quickly, I pressed the brush against the paper and swiftly wrote a word.

I looked at Sayaka and she immediately knew that I was ready. She took up two papers and read the words aloud. She started with Midori's. "Heart (心)." She then looked at mine. Her eyes seemed to widened in surprise as she read, "Will (志)"

"Well? How is it?"

"They are both meaningful. But Himawari's 'will' looks very well done. Midori's 'heart' is written a little to the left so it's not balanced."

I felt warmth of relief spread through my heart although the competition wasn't over. _Four more…_ I swallowed my saliva, bracing myself to the next challenge. I looked at Midori whose face was cheerful as if she hadn't been defeated at all. It brought an uneasy feeling to me. It made me think of what kind of trial was coming. _I hope everything is going well. For me and for Izu._

"Oh! There you are!" a voice rang as the door was slid open. A familiar man with green bandana entered the room with his cheeky grin. Droplets of sweat seemed to run down his forehead to his chin. One look was enough to see that he had been working hard.

"Oh my, Egawa-han!" Sayaka sounded surprised but she handled it effortlessly or rather, she looked happy upon Egawa's sunny personality. "Come, come! Help me with judging! They are both good that I hate to choose one of them. Would you please help me decide? You are willing to do it right? Right! Girls! Get the flowers!" Sayaka clapped her hands together, calling the little girls to clean the tools up and brought items for flower arranging. There were scissors, pots, various kinds of flower, and various kinds of bud.

"Huh? What?" Egawa, being a visitor was completely oblivious as seen on his clueless face and his gaping mouth. He was soon being pushed to sit beside Sayaka by no other than Sayaka. Egawa was well liked by Sayaka.

"It's such a pleasure to have Egawa-han to become judge over our competition." Midori giggled, hiding her slender face behind her sleeve.

"But…is it alright? What's with all these anyway? I only come to ask Hima—" Egawa tried to explain, which was not necessary. He was interrupted by Midori immediately.

"—our competition of becoming Shimabara's next Tayuu." Midori's eyes seemed to gleam in lust for an instance. It caused further anxiety to overwhelm my heart. Hence, I told myself to do my best. _Izu, I'll save your position._

"I see…" Egawa said, raking his hair as he gave a nervous smile. "Before that…actually, I'm not alone. I saw a familiar man on my way here and I brought him along. Come on in!" he called, facing the door.

"…I'm busy." An unexpected man entered. He seemed a bit fidgety when our eyes met. I guessed it was because he was embarrassed for his unkempt loose hair. Everything was the same as this earlier morning; probably just around one and half hour ago. I was surprised. It was Saitou.

"S-saitou-han?!" Midori and I voiced.

Saitou placed himself sitting at the corner beside Egawa who was grinning triumphantly. Saitou was known as a very difficult man yet Egawa was able to drag him all the way. Perhaps it was Egawa's cheerful self which disabled Saitou from saying any complaint.

At that point, it wasn't a mere competition to get a status but it was also an appeal competition. Midori used to serve Saitou before I took her place. Of course it was completely normal to face her jealousy but I had no intention of losing my choice of my first intimate customer. With Saitou being there actually increased my anxiousness.

_Mustn't fail. Mustn't fail._ I chanted in my heart.

"Well then, you may start arranging any flowers you want." Sayaka gave the sign and we began picking flowers of which we preferred. It didn't take long for us to pick and arrange. We were soon finished.

"Hm…" Egawa seemed impressed at both our arrangements while Saitou was completely silent. Sayaka nodded as she stared at each of our arrangement.

Neatly arranged blooming pink Azalea with purple buds of Aster Tataricus was magnificently enchanting. The colors were complementing each other. They stood straight in the shiny black round pot. 'Patience' and 'Remembrance' were the language of the flowers and were what Midori had chosen to appeal.

Gracefully arranged blooming red spider lilies with white buds of daisy were what I chose at whim. I believed the red and the white matched each other. I joined my palms together, praying that I would pass this competition as well. However…

"Midori's patience and remembrance with Himawari's separation and faith... It's Midori's victory. Himawari's is too gloomy." Sayaka said, looking disappointed.

_I lost… _I cast my eyes down on my own hands. I lost and had no idea what I should feel. I felt something faded within me but I endured it; keeping my poker face. A drop of guilt fell into the sea of my heart and caused a ripple of disorder. I lost my peace.

The girls went to get a pair of shamisen and brought them to Midori and me. We held them gracefully within our hands and with the pick we tested the tone. The tone was in place. Either of us had to play first.

_Don't mess up this time, Hima. _I told myself as I took a deep breath. _For Izu._

"Who will play first?" Egawa asked.

"I will." Midori volunteered, smiling confidently as before. Sayaka nodded and Midori started to pick the strings. Her slender fingers held the neck of the shamisen firmly but the sound produced was sweet to the ears. She played the pick smoothly as if it were a part of her own. Seeing how she handled the shamisen with such perfection made me relaxed but also frightened. Every time she picked a string, the sound struck me like a whip, gradually damaging my self-esteem. I became afraid.

I noticed a deep stare from within the room and I lifted my face to see the source. My eyes met with Saitou's. It was as if he was searching for something within my eyes. I looked back at him calmly. Nevertheless, I must focus on what I must do. I took a deep breath and began playing the shamisen with every lesson Izu used to teach me in mind.

_Playing shamisen is the same as playing with water. Where ever you pour the water, it goes as you wish. So play as you wish but don't forget the basic posture of playing. Don't get too emotional into the music. Control the music and don't let it control you._

I recalled what Izu taught but I had no idea why, I couldn't keep my calm. I did my best to play but the strings and the sound produced didn't work as I wanted. Eventually, I ended my play and put the shamisen with its pick down.

Sayaka sighed heavily. "Midori wins this round." She announced and that moment a bright smile was reflected on Midori's pretty face. It brought greater fear for me. Was I not enough? Those days of tough training didn't serve a purpose, did it?

Sayaka stood up and exited the room. "Dance. To the hall!" she said and we all followed towards the hall. On our way to the destination, clients seemed to hold interest of what was happening that they gathered around in the hall. I could faintly hear them call me 'Beauty in Mystery' while Midori was called 'Sakura Bud' to which I had no idea why.

"Since clients are here, then do your best to win as well to entertain them. Who will be the first?" Sayaka questioned.

I took my chance and stepped forward. I volunteered to dance first. I had to win somehow. There was not much chance left anymore.

"What will you dance?" Sayaka asked as shamisen players entered the hall. They took their places behind me.

"Kurokami."

"Off you go." Sayaka said as she sat down around the clients. Midori sat beside her.

I took my starting pose; I held onto my handkerchief. When the shamisen players started to produce the music, I began dancing with every grace I had. To be honest, I wasn't confident with my choice this time. Still, I wanted to break through the limit—to overcome the mistakes I usually did.

_Kurokami is a dance of despair and sadness. It represents the heart of a woman who has lost her beloved. So the key in this dance is to keep balanced posture with emotions in it._

I fully remembered what Izu said that time. I had memorized the movements and I only had to keep my balance and emotions. I lifted my hand as I held onto the handkerchief gently. I moved my limbs gracefully and as sad as I could. _My beloved…the one I miss…Izu, please come back soon. _I continued my dance and finished it perfectly.

_There was no mistake. I did it. _I sighed in relief. I bowed towards the clients who clapped their hands for me and sat down next to Sayaka. Once I sat down, Midori stood up and announced that she would be dancing 'Sagi Musume'.

"Excuse me." Someone slid open the door and entered. It was Egawa. He sat next to me quickly as to not delay the dance any longer. "I went to the bathroom for a while. Oh? Where's Yamaguchi-san?" he whispered.

"He is at that corner." Sayaka whispered back. Now that she mentioned it, I didn't realize Saitou was in the hall. I thought he had gone back as he had said that he was busy.

_Sagi Musume is a dance of sorrow as well…_ I thought as I watched Midori closely. The shamisen started playing and Midori started to dance. Her movements were very contrast with mine. She moved vigorously, sometimes almost falling down and her face showed nothingness as if she had given up on life. She captured every emotion perfectly. Watching her dance, I could feel my breath getting tight; not only me, but everyone in the room.

Midori bowed once she ended her dance. She walked close and placed herself sitting beside Egawa. Claps were heard but we were still clueless who had the victory. Shortly after the claps had calmed down, Sayaka stood up and announced the winner.

"It was a very difficult decision. Both are probably the best among our girls. However, I think…Midori is better in putting emotions within her movements. The meaning of the song is well expressed." Sayaka said, folding her arms on her chest. She looked hopeless and very disappointed. It was understandable. There was a reason why I was kept virgin for so long. My deceased mother used to be a shrine maiden and when my father brought me to Shimabara, he specially asked Sayaka to keep me until I said it myself. As the owner of Shimabara, of course she wanted her product to be available as fast as possible. She had kept me for so long and I hadn't met her expectations.

A sense of despair haunted me. Cold sweat seemed to wet my back. I felt hopeless and I felt there was nothing left I could do. Still, my heart urged me to hang on and to keep my composure calm. It wasn't the end. I tilted my head and saw Saitou who was staring at me. He moved from his seat and approached me. He eventually squatted in front of me, staring into my eyes.

"It's alright." He said and he left the hall. With that little thing he did for me was enough to add my courage. My confident seemed to increase and I felt relieved. His words echoed within my heart and calmed my cowardice heart. _Thank you… _Feeling as if I could overcome anything, I stepped up and straightened my posture. I walked to where Midori was and we stood side by side. Soon, in front of us were two pairs of clogs specially made for Tayuu[1].

"Next would be the walk. This is a very fundamental to ensure an oiran is up to be a Tayuu. If you can walk properly then you pass the test." Sayaka said and signaled that we may set our feet on the clogs.

_I can do this. I can do this. It'll be alright just as Saitou-han has said. I can do this. I used to practice with Izu until late night. I will do well. _I chanted within my heart as I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. In count of three beckoned by Sayaka, we started walking. Making the number 'eight' on the floor with each step, I tried my best to keep my balance and my posture; not to forget my cold expression.

After reaching a point, Sayaka beckoned for us to make a turn and walk back. We spun and walked with every grace and elegance. With each step me took, I felt my feet became heavier. _Almost there… _I encouraged myself. I was reaching the stop within a few steps and it was when a disaster happened. I didn't realize there was a stoop on the floor and it caused me to trip. At the same time, Midori also seemed to lose balance due to the stoop. However, Midori seemed to regain her posture and managed to balance it out. I lost my balance and I was falling.

I clenched my teeth strongly as I stretched both my arms out reflexively to prevent my head from hitting the floor. However, the weight of my hair ornaments and clothes pushed me down as the gravity pulled me close. I eventually met the floor with a loud 'bump!'

"Himawari!" Sayaka rushed to my side and propped me up. Guests were noisy upon my fall, asking if I were alright. Soon, Midori also rushed to me, checking on me and said, "Good. Her face is not hurt."

"Are you alright?" Sayaka asked. I shook my head as I attempted to stand up but a sudden pain coursed throughout my body and made me fall back on the floor.

"She must have sprained her ankle." Egawa suddenly spoke as he approached me. He seemed worried so I assumed that my fall was terribly magnificent. He apologized before he went to touch my ankle. I flinched upon the pain when his fingers touched my purple ankle. Egawa quickly withdrew his hand and apologized.

"I'm sorry!" He clasped both palms together.

"Himawari will be off duty for dancing and delivering. Himawari, you will sit as you entertain the customer today."

"Wait, What about the competition?" Midori prodded.

"No more competition. Himawari holds better posture when walking. Himawari wins this round." Sayaka replied sharply.

"But she fell!" Midori protested.

"Are you trying to say you purposely made her fall?" Sayaka glowered at Midori who flinched upon the accusation.

"—No!" Midori denied desperately.

"Then off you go to your work." Sayaka beckoned for Midori to step away. "Egawa-han, could you please carry Himawari to her room?"

"Sayaka-san! I can help!" A man from among the guests volunteered.

"Me too!" A few men followed after the first man who volunteered.

"Pay up first." Sayaka returned bluntly as she gestured for Egawa to carry me.

"I apologize." Egawa smiled nervously as he carried me in his arms.

OnO/

I was carried carefully to my room. I was positive that Egawa had a real trouble carrying me. My hair with the ornaments would have weight around two _kan__**[2]**_and layers of kimono which would have weight six _kan. _Even if he was crushed under my total weight, he fought to accomplish his mission. For this particular moment, I was touched by his effort.

"Egawa-han, thank you." I gratified with a whisper. It was against the policy as an oiran but I felt the need to say it. I hoped Sayaka hadn't heard it.

"Jun. I'll be coming here often for Izu Tayu's case. Hope we can get along!" Egawa smiled as he put me down on my mattress gently and slowly. I could see beads of sweat flowed down his cheek and I could hear his heavy breathing. I was grateful from the bottom of my heart.

"I'll bring bandage and some ointment. Egawa-han, please make sure she doesn't run off by herself. It's her bad habit." Sayaka said as she excused herself out of my room.

I sighed. It was completely unnecessary to speak about my bad habit. I pulled my clothes upwards a bit to see my ankle. It was so hideous that I shivered at the sight of it. I swallowed my saliva and made sure I didn't move my foot. I was so scared of the pain that I froze on the spot.

Something hit me back to reality. Egawa was giggling. He placed himself sitting beside me and continued to giggle. I stared at him, wondering what had happened to him.

"…I'm sorry. You must be wondering what is going on with me. It's just… You are special." Egawa spoke.

"Special?" I asked.

"Yes. Special, just like Izu Tayuu. It seems that you only show your true self in front of me and Yamaguchi-san, eh? Are you aware of that?" Egawa stopped giggling and smiled.

"I do?! Egaw—Jun-han?!" I was flabbergasted. To think I would do such mistake… if Sayaka was informed such, i couldn't imagine what was to become of me…

"See? You just did it again." Egawa chuckled.

"Please keep it secret, Jun-han!" I pleaded.

"I wonder about that…" Egawa smirked as he eyed me playfully.

"W-what should I do to keep your mouth shut?" I asked, unconsciously moved my ankle and let the pain coursed through my whole being. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" I yelped. Droplets of tear welled up my eyes due to the pain but I didn't expect it would invite another giggle from Egawa.

"Just like that. I want you to be you in front of me." Egawa said. He turned his head to the door and that was when Sayaka entered my room. Sayaka rushed to Egawa's side and crouched down. She put bandages and ointments on the floor and excused herself.

"Why are you in such haste?" I asked.

"Midori is throwing tantrum, saying she doesn't feel like working today and with many other excuses. I need to get her to work." Sayaka explained as she shut the door. Soon enough she slid open the door again and said, "Egawa-han, I'll leave Hima in your hands. Treat her well or else I'll cost your penny." And with that, she left for real.

"It'll hurt for a while but please endure it." Egawa said. He took my foot in his hand and with the other hand, he rubbed the ointment. The moment when he started rubbing on my ankle was when I felt hell. I bit my lower lip and smacked the floor with my palms in attempt to endure the tormenting pain.

"Done. Good job enduring it. I'm sure it will heal in no time!" Egawa wrapped my ankle tightly with bandage and tied the knot. He positioned himself to sit facing me.

"…Bully." I frowned.

"It's for your goodness." Egawa smiled nervously. "I'm sorry."

I propped myself to sit properly with my legs straight on the mattress. I took my handkerchief on my desk to wipe away the tears which had leaked during the torture.

"Well then, I should be going." Egawa stood up and excused himself.

"So soon?"

"Oh, why? Do you need a company? I will need to pay for it though?" Egawa teased. "I'll come again tomorrow." He shut the door.

"Fine." I said. Egawa was a fine man. It wasn't as if I wanted him to be my intimate customer. I had Saitou. I just wanted to thank Egawa properly. My pride wouldn't let me go without repaying him. I thought I would entertain him somehow. I guessed it was impossible until my ankle recovered completely.

_Today is such a tough day. It's already noon. _I sighed. _At least the competition is postponed._ I thought as I put back my handkerchief back on my desk. Then, I noticed something out of place. There was a scrap of paper I had never seen before. I picked it up and unfolded it. To my greatest surprise…

"What is this…? 'How are you doing, Himawari? I suppose you are now a full-fledged oiran now since Saitou-han has agreed to be your first. How is everything over there? –Izu.' …Izu is…Izu is alive?! I knew it! She can't be—wait...Who delivered this letter? It can't be Egawa-han since he was with me. Sayaka-sama is out of question…Saitou-han has long returned to his work…who?" I was agape upon the letter in my hand. I was glad but skeptical as well.

_It can't be Izu who put this here…if she entered Shimabara, people would recognize her…someone helped her? Her lover? _I began to ponder all the lovers she had ever had. I sorted out her lovers who hadn't been visiting but they had been visiting frequently. Still, I thought it was better to confirm it. Once my ankle healed, I would check the customer record.

_Izu is fine. Is she coming back? _I wondered as I lay myself on my mattress. _Izu, please come back soon. _I prayed within my heart as I shut my eyes slowly. I eventually fell into a deep sleep.

OuO/

"Himawari-don! Wake up!"

"Hn?" I opened my eyes and saw two koshi were shaking me. I propped myself up and yawned. I had a good nap. "What is wrong?" I asked.

"Sayaka-sama said you should take a bath and entertain the customer by pouring drink or play the shamisen." one of the koshi said.

"I get it. Help me up." I said, smiling. They returned my smile and gladly helped me walk to the bathroom. Of course, they helped me bath too. It was time consuming due to my ankle but it ended well.

I asked the dresser to doll me up as fast as possible and I was back on business.

Apparently there was mountain of customers waiting to see me. I had no idea why but I supposed it was a good sign. Despite not being able to dance or change my seat, they tolerated and were happy enough to have my company. I was happy as well although I didn't show it.

"I saw how you and Midori competed! The moment you started walking, I felt my breath was being taken away! I never expect you would appear so grand in my eyes!"

"I support you as the next Tayuu!"

Seeing how supportive they were towards me who hadn't even become a full-fledged oiran to become the next Tayuu was very encouraging but discouraging at the same time. I believed I wasn't ready. I wasn't skillful enough to continue what Izu had left. And as my respect to my elder sister, I wouldn't dare to take up her position.

I bowed at their praises.

A koshi brought a shamisen to me and I proceeded to play it to entertain the guests. _What should I play…? _I wondered. I whispered to a koshi who sat beside me what kind of music should I play and she told me to play something mellow. I thought it was good enough to entertain the guests. As how I was taught, I played according to my own feelings.

_The letter…Who delivered it?_ I pondered. _Should I ask someone about this? But who to ask? Sayaka-sama only wants me to succeed as Tayuu. She has been raising me for this purpose and it is why she put me under Izu. If I bring the letter to Sayaka and tell her that it's the proof that Izu is alive…no, it doesn't guarantee that Izu will be back. Sayaka will not take back her decision on choosing me. I am sure that she will come to pester any time soon. I'll just have to reject every time she comes._

I ended the song and claps were offered to me. I bowed as a form of gratitude.

"Himawari, you may rest now. Let Fubuki take over." Sayaka called as she slid open the door and let a Fubuki Tenjin in.

With the help of two koshi, I managed to stand up. Slowly I walked out of the room and shut the door behind me.

"How do you feel?" Sayaka asked.

"I'm fine." I said, smiling a little. I told two koshi to bring me to my room and they nodded cutely. Hence, I left Sayaka. I had no mood to speak with her with all the pressure she had given me and also my injured foot. I preferred to rest for the day.

I trotted towards my room which was beside the stairs to the first floor. Reaching there, I saw Midori and her comrades. They looked at me with that sort of disgusted look. I understood the reason well. I walked passed them.

"She hasn't even given her mizuage away and she's expected to carry on as a Tayuu. Arrogance should be limited!"

"She is still an apprentice and she wants to take over Izu? What kind of joke is that?!"

"I'm sure when Izu returns; she will cry seeing her precious spot being robbed by her little sister."

"Good thing that she sprained her ankle during the competition. It would have been better if she had broken it." Midori scoffed. She approached me and leered at me; a warning, I supposed. Soon she walked away.

Unknown to me someone stepped on the hem of my kimono and purposely made me lose my balance. I felt as if my surrounding became slow as my body arched towards the stairs. I was falling backwards. With the weight of my hair ornaments and clothes, I doubted I would be safe. _If I fall from the stairs…I can't imagine! I'm too afraid to imagine! How could they do this?! _To think the last thing I saw with my eyes were Midori's and her comrades' smirk irked me very much, but I didn't hate them. I shut my eyes tight, bracing myself to receive the impact.

"Himawari…" A voice called out for. And I realized I was in someone's arms.

"Don't look up—" I looked up and my hair ornaments hit his face.

"S-saitou-han?!" I tilted my head downwards immediately. With him as support, I managed to stand up straight again. By that time, Midori and her comrades had run away.

My ankle pained when I put my foot on the floor. I flinched upon the agony.

"Himawari-don, are you alright?" both koshi asked in unison. _They are very cute. _I smiled at them and said, "I'm alright." The agony suddenly felt as if it were doubled. I endured the pain anyway. My head was getting dizzy and the surrounding seemed to spin around me. The pain made me drunk. I became uncertain of my steps. Soon, everything blacked out.

OvO/

_Someone is crying. Who is crying? Familiar voice…I recognize this voice. It's Izu. Izu? Where are you? Why are you crying? Izu?! Izu! _Everything was white and bright but there was nothing. I spun around and looked everywhere for the sight of Izu. However, there was no one but me. The nothingness was eerie with only Izu's crying voice echoing throughout the space.

"I'm here." A voice spoke. I spun and immediately saw Izu. Her head was tilted downwards. Her hair was disheveled. She looked exhausted.

"Izu? What's wrong?" I held her shoulders. Once my palms touched her, I felt cold and wet. I removed my hands from her and saw red color. I saw red liquid drip down to the white ground. When I looked at Izu, I saw that she was bleeding. Blood flowed down her lips. Her clothes were soon soaked red. My breathing stopped. I looked down and the ground was no longer white. I scanned around and it was no longer white. I was in bloody abyss.

"Save me! Save me…Hima…" Izu pleaded. She reached an arm out for me. I was afraid. I was frightened. I was horrified. I took steps backwards immediately.

"Why…why won't you save me…Hima!" Izu charged at me, strangling my neck with her slender long fingers. I was shocked awake.

"Izu…Izu…Izu!" I breathed with difficulty. My eyes fluttered open. My vision was blurry due to my tears. I blinked a few times and the tears fell down my cheek. I was in my room; on my mattress. The light was dim. Perhaps it was because the oil was running out.

"Himawari!" A shadow hovered over me. I knew who it was but I couldn't think of anything. My mind was white. My breathing slowed down.

"Izu…" tears started to flow rapidly upon the sight of Saitou without my command. I didn't wonder why he was there with me and why I was there with him. The pain was still there, throbbing. The pain caused by my sprained ankle didn't match the pain I felt in my heart.

"I'm here. I'm here to get my sleep. I haven't been sleeping well due to my job." Saitou pulled me into his arms. I clutched on his clothes as I tried to stop tears. My lips trembled, threatening to cry out loud. I fought to hold it back.

I tilted my head to look closely at Saitou. _Only Izu and Saitou who have seen my tears…_

Saitou stared at me like how he used to. He stared into my eyes as if to look for something. Our proximity neared. Saitou pressed his lips against mine. It was sweet like apple candy and addicting like tobacco. His arms held me tight as if he didn't want to lose me.

The temperature rose and I was losing my breath. Our kiss deepened. I felt as if was being absorbed. _If it's for him, I'll do anything. _I thought. I circled my arms around him and grasped his clothes tightly, begging him not to let go. I wanted him to hold me like this until forever. We exchanged kisses. We exchanged heat, but he wouldn't remove my sash as he had promised.

Saitou pulled back eventually with his stare still fixed on me. He leaned close again and kissed the corner of my eye; licking my tears away. He did the same to my other eye. Then, he kissed my forehead.

* * *

><p>[1] Clogs for Tayuu are specially made. The height measures about ten inches.<p>

[2] Kan(貫)is Japanese mass unit measurement. 1 kan = 3.75kg


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Is hairpin the only thing Izu left for you?" Saitou asked; Izu's hairpin in his palm.

"Yes." I replied.

"Did she say anything before giving it to you?" Saitou continued to ask.

"She said that it didn't suit her." I stared at Saitou who seemed to be pondering. It was never boring to stare at him. I would stare at him all day long if I could. There was a pinch to my heart. _He still won't touch me despite we were getting in the mood. _I pouted. It was embarrassing but I didn't hate it. I was a little disappointed that he suddenly stopped kissing me. I heard that Saitou had paid the highest price for me. _Yet, he remains the same. If I speak up, will he…embrace me?_

My thoughts flew away when Saitou held my hand and put the hairpin on my hand. His left hand held onto the morning glory flower decoration. In a second, the flower was easily removed. I froze. Inside the hairpin was a rolled up paper.

"Did you know about this?"

"No. I never knew that it could be removed." I looked at Saitou with frowned eyebrows.

Saitou took the paper out and unrolled it. On the paper was written numbers. _A puzzle…Izu used to play numerical puzzle with guests. She used the price of a bottle of sake in her latest game. She had also used the numbers of hairpins she had, numbers of syllables in a song, and even numbers of how many times I failed in a day. What basis is she using in this puzzle? What is she trying to convey?_

Saitou went to my desk and wrote a copy of the numbers.

"19-7-39-12-3-16-45-46.

19-40-12-14-23-41-11.

27-38-11-41-28-16-36-1-30-6-23.

32-1-4-7-22-13-17, 24-8-3-21-4-44-34-37-30-6-23.

35-1-12-41-42-39, 40-12-46-23-3-23-4.

35-1-16-1-42-43-30-13-9…

16-14-42-23-7-37-24-8-3-44-1-21-1.

36-42-21-22."

I told Saitou everything I knew about the puzzle, how Izu loved to play with numbers and how she loved to use any numbers with any basis. We were both clueless. _Could it be that Izu left this just to leave a memory? Well…I can imagine her smirk again…_ At that point I believed that Izu was free. I was glad. It was a shame that she didn't tell me that she would be leaving me alone. _This puzzle must be her address. She wants me to visit her._ Thinking so, I began to giggle. Then I noticed that Saitou was looking at me with a confused look. He frowned. _Oh…adorable._

"I am sure this puzzle keeps Izu's address. She's inviting me. But I can't get out of here." I chuckled.

"Do you want to be free?"

"Hm?"

"…"

"It's not as if my life is bad. I know there are a lot of happenings lately…but I'm fine." I smiled. _You don't have to worry. As long as you keep coming to see me, I'm alright. _Secretly, my heart kept a little hope, a hope that one day I would be his and he would be mine. Nevertheless…

"I'll buy you." He said.

I was wordless. I kept my eyes on him, doubting but also believing him. I found myself restless that I couldn't stare at him any longer. His eyes were seriously dangerous; dangerous to my heart. I felt happiness surged within and caused my heart to swell in abundance of emotions. It was as if my heart was going to explode.

"We will play with Izu's game some other day. It's late. Let's sleep." Saitou said.

I felt my blood gushed upwards in consciousness of his last sentence. It sounded wrong but right at the same time. I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I became a statue that moment. The time and space seemed to stop their track. My chest felt so full that I couldn't really react to my surroundings. In one swift movement, I was laid down on bed. Saitou embraced me from behind. What really surprised me was, he snored and slept very soundly afterwards.

_He must have been very tired. _I turned to face him but I forgot a fundamental matter. My hair ornaments hit his face again. He was awakened and he stared at me accusingly. I freed myself from his embrace and changed my position properly. When I faced him, he was already asleep. His arms slithered its way around me and embraced me again.

We found peace and comfort in each other as we slept. _Sweet dream, Saitou-han._

OuO/

_Do you understand? This is a charm spell to protect anyone you want to protect. _I woke up from a very comfortable dream. It felt nostalgic and warm. I remembered. It was my mother. A year before she died she had taught me a charm spell. I was very glad to learn it that I memorized it every day. Soon after that she became bed-ridden. In hope that she would recover, I did the charm to my mother, but she died anyway. Was it a curse spell or was it really a protective charm, I had no idea at all.

I propped myself up from my mattress and yawned. I took a look at my ankle which still hurt a bit. I removed the bandage and saw that it was no longer purple. It was a small red dot. _Tonight will be another busy day…It's afternoon already…_

Day by day, my ankle had been recovering gradually. I could walk by myself now without any help. However, I still couldn't walk normally. Sisters of same occupation, Sayaka and even customers had been telling me that I walked like a duck whenever they saw me. Not to mention Midori and her comrades who had been laughing out loud at my sight.

_In this world, there are three kinds of people. One, people who support you sincerely. Two, people who support you as they laugh at you. And the worst of all, people who ridicule you no matter what you do; be it a right thing or a bad thing. _I tottered out of my room with my hands on the wall for support. I was going to the bathroom. The house was opening in any time soon.

_My eyes feel weird…_ _Kana told me that Saitou-han went back before I was awake. He should have shaken me awake… _

I had two koshi at my service; Benizakura and Kana. They were still six years old. Sayaka assigned them to be my personal servants recently due to my inability to walk properly. Despite being scolded by me, they still helped me walk while laughing at me. At first, they were very naughty that I could hardly handle them but time showed us that we were connected by fate. We were now friends and also sisters.

Step by step I neared the bathroom. I slid open the door and a koshi ran out of the bathroom, bumping me off my balance. I lost my footing and fell on my butt. I yelped as my butt hit the floor.

"Under whose wings is that koshi?! Such manners…" I sighed as I propped myself up. The koshi who unintentionally hit-and-run on me must have been a new comer. Was she crying in the bathroom? I wondered as I entered the bathroom. _Then there's no helping it…It's really sad to leave your family. _I untied my sash and removed my clothes layer by layer. When I was about to step in the bath tub, I saw that the water was drained up and there were… two half-eaten grilled fishes.

_That koshi's elder sister must teach her about not wasting food. _I ended up cleaning up the tub and filled the tub with water. If anyone were wondering why I must do it by myself, it was because Shimabara was getting large amount of guests today so servants including koshi were all reserved. It didn't matter much to me. I was given compensation due to my ankle. I had all the time I needed to prepare which also meant I could sleep as long as I wanted. In addition, the majority of the guests were regulars so they didn't mind me being slow.

I entered the bathtub slowly. The water was warm but it lacked the usual comfort. Since I prepared it, I couldn't complain could i?

At the corner of my eyes, several oiran were slightly visible. There was no necessity to look at them to know what they were doing. _They are bad-mouthing about me as they look at me disgustingly._ _A non-full-fledged oiran is being chosen as the next Tayuu… what kind of joke is that…? _All inhabitants were concerned to the fact that Izu had disappeared. Even those who usually wouldn't care much about their surroundings cared for once.

_Izu's puzzle is really hard. _I drowned myself under the water. Ten seconds later I emerged from the water to take my breath. I decided that I would forget everything and enjoy today. _I hope I get to see Izu soon._

_Will I be alright without Izu? _Bath was getting boring with unnecessary thoughts streaming inside my mind. Those oiran were getting louder. It was getting uncomfortable. The water had become slightly colder too. I got out of the bathtub and dried myself with a towel. After that, I wore my bathrobe and returned to my room.

A koshi told me that the dresser had waited in my room. I quickened my pace despite the futility. After getting adorned, the dresser exited soon.

I lay down on my mattress and sighed. Laziness seemed to swallow my whole being. _No. I must hurry. _I knew being lazy would only bring painful memories back so I sat up quickly as not to give myself a chance to recall. Once I had propped myself up, I felt something under my palm; on the floor. I picked it up to see what it was.

_Another letter…but still…who delivered this? Could it be the dresser? _I unfolded the letter and read. The letter which should have brought me peace brought me anxiety instead.

"Himawari, let's play a game." Izu wanted to play a game. It was supposed to be something nostalgic but it made me feel worried instead. _A game? I hope she won't bring trouble like before… _I couldn't do anything at that moment as I had no idea how to contact Izu. I stared at the letter in great curiosity. What I could do was to do my job like usual.

"Himawari? Are you inside?" A familiar voice rang from behind the door. Soon, the door was slid open, showing a man of cuteness. Egawa entered my room with uneasiness. He chuckled nervously.

"Why are you so nervous, Jun-han? Haven't you visited this room before?" I teased.

"That time was an emergency!" Egawa sighed in defeat. He sat a few steps away from me. I knew what he was going to do here. Ever since my magnificent fall from those high clogs, Egawa had been coming every morning to change the bandage. Apparently, it was Sayaka's personal request which involved some coppers or so what I had heard from the koshi.

"Is it true that Sayaka-sama pays you to do this?" I asked as I beckoned for him to sit nearer. Since he was here to treat me, he shouldn't sit so far. He neared me shyly which I found very adorable. I held back my giggle. Gently, he took my ankle in his hands and changed the bandage.

"Yes." He said.

"How much money does she give?"

"A meal." He chuckled.

"Why is it not money?" I arched an eyebrow, wondering.

"Well…to be honest, i…I've been starving myself these three days. Sayaka-san offered money but…" Egawa responded with a forced chuckle. He was a rather popular man in Shimabara. His kindness and modesty were recognized even to the newest servant.

"Why did you refuse? Isn't money better than a meal?" I asked. At that moment, Egawa tied up the bandage and finished the treatment.

"I can't bring myself to accept it. A meal helps a lot. In addition, I'm glad I'm able to help a beautiful oiran." Egawa fidgeted.

I chuckled at his compliment. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled. The next second, his expression changed. He looked purely curious. "What is that paper you're holding? A love letter?"

"This is a letter from Izu." I said.

"Izu?! I-is she safe?! Where is she now?!" Egawa suddenly became another man. Anxious was plastered all over his face. He reached for my hands and held them tightly. He must have hoped for clues to where Izu was. Unfortunately, I had to disappoint him.

"I suppose she's safe. But there's no clue anywhere to her location." I said, smiling apologetically. _He must have missed Izu badly._

Upon my words, his strength loosened and he released my hands. He sighed heavily. Severe disappointment was shown. He gave an uncertain sort of chuckle and apologized that he was being weird. I didn't mind it. Egawa was being himself.

"Any trace to Izu?" I asked. He must have worked hard in investigating.

"Not yet." He said, shaking his head.

I folded the paper and kept it in my sleeve. Then I proceeded to prop myself up; standing. Egawa offered his arm half way to help me up. I accepted it gladly. We walked to the hall where the guests were waiting.

"Oh, I received another letter from Izu. It's filled with numbers. I guess she's up for a game now that she's free now." I giggled. "I wonder what the puzzle really is."

"Is that so? She must have missed you." Egawa agreed. "I really hope she will send one for me."

"Perhaps one day." I said. We reached our destination and saw people encoring for us as they entered the hall.

Benizakura and Kana were standing by the door. They welcomed us, teasing us being a married couple. _Seriously…children and their mind…_I sighed. They said whatever they wanted, but I knew I could never be together with Egawa. I still liked Saitou best and Egawa still held hopes for Izu.

Duo koshi slid open the door in unison and let me in the hall. Cheers were loud and clear. Claps were offered. Men looked blissful at my sight. However, there was one who looked very discontented. It was no other than Midori.

"What kept you so long Egawa-san?! Are you sure you didn't lay a finger on Himawari?" A man teased and the entire hall laughed at Egawa who looked bashful as he denied the accusation.

"Come and join us!" a few men invited and dragged Egawa into the crowd.

"Shimabara's duck is finally here!" One of the men cheered.

"Excuse me, sir." I replied immediately with a bit of a sarcastic tone while keeping my face stony. They laughed. They knew how my feelings appear on my face despite I hid it. I sat at the end of the hall where Benizakura and Kana sat as well. They reserved the spot for me.

"Lovey-dovey couple." Kana whispered to Benizakura. Benizakura replied, "with Egawa-han." They giggled.

"Shut up, you two." I whispered at them, pouting at them at the same time.

In the hall, there were other oiran as well. They were already serving their respective guests; pouring sake or speaking. Midori was serving a man but she didn't seem happy.

The door slid open again. Sayaka entered smoothly and announced that Midori and I would do another competition at that moment. I was getting tired of her surprises. Sayaka said that we would compete in tea ceremony. She also said that the winner would be the next Tayuu. I was bored of her tactic to impress the guests.

We did the tea ceremony once the preparation was done. When the tea was through, I gave it to the guest who sat beside me. He drank it and complimented how delicious it was. Midori also gave her tea to the guest who sat beside her. The guest also complimented on her tea. However, Midori didn't seem content like usual. She looked…pale. In this case, she looked anxious.

Soon we returned to our own seat. During our service, a guest suddenly yelped. When people stared at him, he said someone groped his butt. Everyone burst into laughter that moment. I found myself unable to contain the humor that I laughed out as well. Unfortunately, Sayaka seemed to mind about this a little bit.

When I laughed, the hall fell into abyss of silence abruptly. When I scanned around, I saw that they were staring at me with big eyes. I asked my loyal koshi and they said that I should smile more.

"Himawari…isn't bad, eh?" A man complimented with his eyes still transfixed on me.

"Her beauty doesn't lose to Izu's too. If only she hadn't hurt her ankle, I would love to see her dance."

"As expected of Sayaka-san's eyes. She chooses the right woman as the next Tayuu."

"Thank you very much for the compliment. She is still a stupid girl who knows nothing about the relationship between a man and woman. I am very ashamed to not educate her well." Sayaka laughed. Of course, calling me stupid was a tactic to fool those men to become my customers. After all, men liked a fool woman best.

"Ah…can I have a cup of sake?" The man who sat beside me asked as he blushed. I bowed a bit and poured him a cup of sa-ke. That was when he yelped, making the sa-ke spill. Quickly, I took my handkerchief to wipe his wet hand.

"What's going on?" Other man asked.

"Someone grabbed my butt." He said as he looked at me. Everyone turned their eyes on me who knew nothing at all. _Are they suspecting me? _I felt my blood drained off my face. It was too sudden for me to deny.

"I didn't—" I tried to deny when someone interrupted me.

"—Himawari will never do such shameless thing!" Egawa suddenly stood up in anger. Was it the anger which made him look red?

_Egawa-han… _

"Did you two do it?" I whispered to Beni and Kana. They were mischievous sometimes. _I had better scold them after this_. However, they looked at each other in confusion and shook their heads at me.

"I-isn't it…getting a bit chilly?" A man asked, looking pale and nervous.

"Stop it…it's not like there's a spirit in this room…" Another man replied.

"But…haven't you heard about the rumor? It is said that the priestess of the great serpent killed those oiran… could it be that she's here? Concealing her appearance as she watches us?" For guests to know about those details, the girls around must have been babbling about it.

"Stop it. There's no such thing." A man denied.

"But the murder was very mysterious, and what about Izu's bracelet? Could Izu be the priestess?" The guests were starting to become restless. Everyone looked nervous. Rumor was rumor but its effect was too strong to be a mere rumor. Well…the oiran was killed mysteriously and there was no trace of the murderer. Izu's bracelet was the only clue but no one knew what relation it had with the murder.

_Izu? Izu is the priestess? But she's free now. Her bracelet must have dropped when she escaped. _With the rumor of the priestess going on, people could only assume it was Izu; both the murderer and the priestess. I refused to believe it. I had lived with her for ten years. I knew she wasn't the suspect. She was playful but she would never do such crime.

Another man yelped abruptly. "Someone touched my butt!" he looked angry. The guests were standing up to scan their surroundings suspiciously. Some were blaming each other and some were just frightened that it was the priestess' deed.

_In such crowd…there's no way an oiran would grope anyone's butt. To hide in such horde needs small stature. Could it be a koshi? _I scanned the hall for koshi. Beni and Kana already denied the deed. It must be a new koshi's deed. There was a sudden movement at the corner of my eyes. A foreign yet familiar koshi slid open the door and ran out stealthily.

_That kid! _I trotted my way out and tailed after the koshi. If her sister oiran wouldn't teach her a lesson, I would. She almost put me in a difficult position and she annoyed guests in the most shameless way. She must be stopped.

Following the koshi, I was led to the second floor the furthest room's terrace. It was a spot where the moon could be seen clearly. The sole moon was hung high in the sky. Its great brilliance shone through thin clouds. The panorama was solemnly beautiful that night. The breeze was chilling and comfortable. I felt as if I was cast with a spell that I couldn't remove my eyes from the moon. I rarely saw such scenery

"A murderer." A voice rang behind me, making me spun in reflex. It was the koshi who bumped onto me this morning. Her bangs were covering her eyes. Her skin was bloodless. She stood several steps away.

"A murderer?" I asked.

"The man with golden hairpin killed Kiku and cut off the hand which fed me." She said as she tilted her head to look at me. She felt different in an instant. Her eyes were black but…not of human's.

"…What are you? How do you know?" I asked, taking a step forward.

"A passing cat." She replied, smiling playfully. From behind her, a tail poked out playfully. "Kiku fed me secretly at the backyard. Now I have paid my debt. Please look for the murderer."

"Kiku…is kiku at peace?"

"Perhaps. It is not a spirit's job to meddle with earthy problems. I can only tell you so. To take revenge or not is another trial for humans." She answered. She wagged her tail right and left.

"…A spirit" I was dumbstruck at that moment. I had no idea how to respond to it. I was more curious to the reason why I could see her. True, my eyes felt weird since this afternoon but I thought it was because I cried the previous night, but…maybe it wasn't the case.

"Can you tell me why I am seeing you?"

"You are a descendant of a shrine maiden. I sense little power from you. I am uncertain whether you would be able to see after today."

"Why is that?"

"I let you see. When you were still asleep, I lent you my eyes or specifically my power. It will disappear in midnight." She explained. Then, in a blink she turned into a black cat. "Farewell." She disappeared.

"Why did you choose me?!" I questioned as fast as I could but the cat was gone. _What should I do?_

Standing there didn't work at all. Doing nothing only brought back the shadow of the past. I remembered Kiku. I couldn't think of any solution so I decided that I would return to the hall where the guests were. When they asked me where I had gone to, I lied to them that I went to the bathroom. They reacted nervously and I knew what they were thinking or rather…imagining. It was alright.

I returned to my seat where Beni and Kana sat. I whispered them what had happened when I wasn't here. They whispered to me that guests were continuing their celebration with other oiran and just a moment ago one customer yelped again with the same reason. Both koshi also admitted that they also poked some guests' buttocks for the fun of it.

I nodded and faced the guests. _The cat spirit is having fun despite asking me to look for the murderer. _I sighed. _She must stop harassing the guests. If I were to pick one of them…Jun-han seems to be the only decent man around here. _I thought as I scanned the entire hall for the cat spirit. That was when I saw an odd movement. A koshi seemed to be crawling behind men towards where Egawa was sitting.

_As expected._ I whispered to Beni and asked her to bring Egawa to my room but of course, not to say that loudly. Beni stood from her seat and dashed towards Egawa. She whispered into his ear and told him exactly what I had asked her to say. How did I know? Well, Egawa blushed madly. He was modest and kind. However, he was still a man. God knew what he was thinking. He stood up and excused himself to the bathroom.

I took my handkerchief from under my sash and pretended to cough onto the handkerchief. Secretly, I darted my eyes towards where the cat spirit was. She looked displeased. She pouted and disappeared into thin air.

"Kana, among these men, can you find who has golden hairpin?" I whispered to Kana. She seemed challenged from how her eyes glimmered with amusement.

"Well then, I'll return to my room to rest. My ankle hurts." I excused myself, bowing at the guests. That moment, Beni ran back to me to help me. I leaned down a bit to whisper to her. I told her to bring me some salt. _The cat said the power will disappear in midnight. But I guess it's better to put a precaution. I don't want to have anything to do with spirits._

"Do you need me to carry you to your room?" A man volunteered. There was no necessity to respond to such query. Sayaka would respond to it for me.

"I'll cost you double." Yes, Sayaka still seemed to cherish my choice of man.

"Spare me!"

OnO/

I walked as silently as I neared my room. I could hear faint chatters. I placed an ear on the door to listen what conversation was happening. _It's Jun-han's voice. _I recognized but I still couldn't hear clearly. Egawa was muttering something. Due to the limit of how much I could hear, I slid open the door slightly to enable me to see.

What my eyes witnessed was something I couldn't tolerate for long. I saw Midori. To do such thing, she must have disliked me so much.

"S-stop…" Egawa stammered. That moment, he was pushed onto the floor by Midori. With slow but steady motion, she untied the sash and loosed her clothes. She pressed herself onto Egawa's chest, looking very seductive.

"Midori! U-uhm…y-your c-chest…" Egawa stuttered as he shut his eyes. His hands trembled and cold sweat rolled down his cheek.

Seeing how impudent Midori had become, I lost my patience and barged into the room. I stared at them as I said, "Do it in your own room, Midori."

"Didn't you ask Egawa-han to come to your room to do this with him?" She glared.

"No! I only want to have a talk." I explained.

"You don't mind me taking Egawa-han as my first, right?" She smiled sweetly as she moved away from Egawa and fixed her clothes. She eyed Egawa seductively as she walked out of my room.

Egawa stood up, looking very nervous and awkward for what had just taken place. I proceeded to step into my room. Before I slid the door, Beni came running with a jar of salt. She passed it to me and looked at me eagerly for some compliments. I complimented her as I patted her head. She smiled brightly.

I turned to face Egawa who was fidgeting. He must have been very embarrassed by what Midori had done.

"Men are always men—" I attempted to tease when I suddenly felt a push from behind which caused me to fall forward. It felt nostalgic. I saw Egawa rushed to me with open arms. I fell into his arms and I got my balance back.

"Nice, Kana!" Beni praised. Kana cheered, clapping her hands in the process. They giggled as they ran away.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even face Egawa now. My face felt oddly warm due to the scent of Egawa which pierced my nose. It smelt like a mixture of sweat and—_Rose? This scent…smells familiar._

I pushed Egawa away. "Jun-han, I…I think it's better to talk some other time. I'll scold those two properly later. I apologize." I bowed. _What on earth do those two want?! It's so shameful!_

"Ah, no. It's fine. Children like to fool around anyway. Ahahaha…" Egawa laughed. "I understand, I'll see you some other time then. Good night." He exited my room, bowing slightly.

I sighed. _I hope Kana does her job properly. _I lay myself on my mattress. I could feel exhaustion taking a toll on me. I decided to take a nap. Hence, I shut my eyes and succumbed into the fantasy.

OuO/

Someone was knocking on the door. I was still half-asleep. It was a bother to get the door so I let it be. _It will stop soon… _That was what I thought but the knock continued restlessly. I gave up on sleeping and got up. I yawned and blinked my eyes. Suddenly in front of my eyes was a face. I was startled that I couldn't breathe.

"Himawari-don! Got you!" Kana cheered happily for her success in scaring me. Soon, Beni entered with a giggle. She must have been the one who knocked on the door. _These kids…_

"You two!" I raised my voice at them. Not only did they ruin my sleep, they also scared the hell out of me.

"We are at fault, forgive us Himawari-don. We promise we will not do it again." They bowed and recited those phrases as if they were used of it. I sighed. "Fine." I said, folding arms before my chest.

Kana approached me and whispered into my ear. "I didn't find any golden hairpins." She said. She sat beside Beni again, waiting for any request or order.

"Good job. You two must be tired. You may go after changing my clothes." I said.

"No candies?" They pouted as they looked at me with the sort of deliberated disappointment in eyes.

"…Oh, aren't you two cute! Here, some candies." I passed a small package of candies to them. Their cuteness I couldn't tolerate. I was so grateful that they were assigned to me. They were naughty but they had this cuteness which made me forgive them easily. In fact, they really held onto their words. That was the first time they ever surprised me so.

"Thank you, Himawari-don!" They smiled brightly. Beni kept the package into her sleeve and then along with her partner, they helped me get a change. After wiping the white paint and lip paint away, they dressed me up in my night robe and removed my hair decorations.

I could feel my hair slid down. It felt very nice to have all your weight put down after a long day. Finishing their job professionally, I kissed their temples and dismissed them. I was alone in my room again.

_No hairpin… _I recalled the report Kana had brought to me. There was not much clue so far so I decided to get my beauty sleep again. However, another knock on the door was suddenly audible.

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Midori."

I was very cautious around her now. I had no idea what she was coming for. I reluctantly asked what she wanted. _Bully?_

"I wanted to plead you." She said as she slid the door open. She looked anxious, nervous and desperate. She seemed lost. She placed herself in front of me. There was no hostility shown so I supposed that it was alright. She brought a tea-pot of sake and two cups.

"I apologize for being improper with Egawa-han in your room. Will you forgive me?" She asked. She looked timid. She didn't dare to look at me in the eyes.

I nodded. "It's fine."

"And…I am in need of money. I need a proper income to feed my poor family in the village. My mother and little brother are ill. I really need to be a Tayuu! Please, Himawari! I am too shy to borrow money to anyone. To me, it's not appropriate. I need to get higher rank to feed them!" Midori's eyes leaked. She cried as she begged. She bowed countless time at me which I couldn't bear. I immediately held her shoulders, asking her not to beg anymore. Yet, she kept bowing, hitting her temple on the floor. I couldn't do anything else but to either pretend to agree or agree.

_Izu's letter…she sounds happy. _To be honest, I felt as if Izu had been freed from all chains. I was happy when I received the letter. That moment, I had decided.

"I don't think Izu will come back, but I know she's happy outside." I said.

"…eh?" Midori tilted her face to look at me.

"I will let you have the position. I'm not sure if Sayaka-sama would allow or not, but…."

"It's alright. I will convince her! Thank you Himawari! Thank you! As my gratitude I will pay my respect with this cup of sake." She poured sake into the cup and drank it. Hope seemed to radiate from her face. She seemed very happy. I was glad too.

"It's my pleasure." I smiled as I poured sake into the other cup. I raised the cup and drank it.

Midori gave me a deep bow before she left with her pot and cups. A bright smile hung on her face. "Good bye." She greeted. "Now I only need to kill Izu."

Suddenly I felt my throat burning. My stomach lurched with great pain. My chest tightened and my breath became shallow. I held onto my chest as I endured the torturing sensation. I felt nausea and red liquid started to flow down my lips. _B…blood? _The view before my eyes shook. I wheezed and coughed. Everything around me was spinning. _The cup…the cup is…_

Everything turned black.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"How is she?" I could hear a familiar voice. It belonged to Sayaka. She sounded very worried. _Ah, that's right. I was poisoned._ I recalled.

"She's fine. It's a weak poison and she didn't drink much. She should be fine after a few rounds of bathroom businesses." A foreign voice rang. I supposed it was the physician.

"I wonder who would poison her." Sayaka wondered.

Slowly but surely, I opened my eyes. The light entered my eyes and stung them a bit. I blinked a few times to make sure my eyes were adjusted to the brightness. I could see Sayaka and the physician.

I recalled my promise. I remembered it well. _Midori… her family is ill. _As angry as I was, I couldn't just let her family die. Be it a lie or a truth, I wouldn't go back my word. I turned my gaze to Sayaka who held my hand tightly. _It's warm._

"Sayaka-sama…let Midori rise as Tayuu." I pleaded. I was sincerely letting Midori get the position. When I thought about it again, i couldn't help but to think that I was such a fool to let her rise. I wasn't aware of the terror waiting at the corner.

Seeing how I pleaded, Sayaka must have felt very disappointed but certainly she was moved by my request.

"I can't take the position with in this state. Let her take it." I pleaded again.

Sayaka looked very furious. Of course, she had always wanted me to take the position. _She wants me to take this position…Does she have to do with Izu's escape?_

"Sayaka-sama, did you by any chance…help Izu escape?" I braced myself to ask. In any way, she wouldn't hit or punish a sick person.

"Escape? No? I never knew what she was thinking." Sayaka sighed, releasing my hand. "Hima, are you sure you're going to give up on the position? Don't you think it's a gift from Izu?" She frowned. Concern and desperation were mixed and plastered over her wrinkled face.

"I see…As expected of Izu. She's the expert in acting and hiding." I giggled as I remembered how skillful Izu was. I halted my giggle and looked at Sayaka. "I'm sure. Let Midori take it. I am not a full-fledged oiran anyway. I'm getting enough disturbances from other oiran."

"Midori isn't a full-fledged oiran too!" Sayaka prodded.

"She has more 'will' than I do." I convinced. "She has her reasons to want that position."

"Is there still a chance that you will change your mind?" Sayaka didn't seem really happy. She looked utterly hopeless upon my words. But I had decided. I shook my head.

Sayaka sighed. She stood up and exited my room. "Rest well."

OvO/

For the whole day I had been on bed; rolling on floor, singing, and sleeping. Sayaka didn't allow me to work for the day due to my frequent private business. After a few rounds of business, I felt better. _At least, I can serve a customer for today. _I thought as I went downstairs to look for Sayaka.

_My ankle has recovered a lot. I'm sure I can run now although it's not allowed. _I approached the entrance and saw busy Sayaka was dealing with kimono maker. She must be choosing clothes for Midori's parade. Midori was there too; getting measured.

"Sayaka-sama, can I serve at least one customer?" I asked.

"I have reserved one for you." Sayaka said without looking at me. She was then choosing hairpins for Midori. "Is there any golden one?" She asked.

_Golden hairpin… _I thought of what the cat spirit had said. Sayaka had wanted me to be the next Tayuu so much but since she was preparing for Midori, perhaps I was wrong. _If she had wanted me to be the next Tayuu, she would have found a patron to buy Izu's freedom. But she didn't. What does she want? _I pondered as I looked around for the reserved customer. Then I saw Egawa. He sat by the stairs, staring at me.

"What are you doing here, Jun-han?" I neared him.

"Looking at you." He smiled.

"What do you think when you look at me?" I asked.

"I'm thinking if it's alright for Midori to be the Tayuu. Izu might have left the position for you." He said. "Are you really fine with it? You competed so hard to keep the position."

"It is alright. Anyway, shouldn't we talk elsewhere?" I climbed the stairs. Egawa followed from behind. I entered my room and sat in the middle of the room.

"Excuse me." Egawa excused himself as he entered. It was the third time he entered and yet he was still bashful about it. Could it be that he was thinking something or…imagining something?

"Please, make yourself home." I gestured him to sit in front of me. "Are you here as customer or as a policeman?" I smiled gently as I saw him sat at where I beckoned.

"As a customer. B-but I won't ask for something that displeases you. I just want a company." He said, smiling sheepishly. "W-well…if it's not much of a trouble, I just…want to lie on your lap…" He explained, casting his eyes away from my gaze.

"Of course." I adjusted my position. He crawled towards me and placed his head on my lap. With my fingers, I patted his head tenderly. I slowly swept his fringe upwards; showing his bandana. He gazed at me without blinking. It was as if he couldn't look anywhere else. It made me feel a little ticklish.

"There, there… You have worked hard. For now, just forget all burdens and enjoy your time." I whispered as I kept patting his hair. "Sleep if you want. The time is all yours now." I added. A warm smile seemed to creep onto his face. I was naturally drawn to smile as well. Suddenly, he giggled.

"What is it?" I asked; clueless.

"I never thought I would see this side of yours. Usually i feel all tingling to tease you but somehow this side of you really tickles!" He laughed.

"S-stop it! You're embarrassing me!" I protested.

"Ahahaha! Not bad! Not bad at all, Hima!" He laughed.

I pouted. "You may leave my lap alone now."

"I was joking! I was joking!" He denied desperately. He took my hand in his and put it on his temple. "Your hand is cold and comfortable. It feels nostalgic like my deceased mother's hand." He shut his eyes as to enjoy the comfort. We stayed that way for a while. It was peaceful and comfortable. With the crickets singing and the chilling wind blowing, we were at ease. It felt as if all those nightmares were a big lie. If only it was a reality…

"Jun-han, have you found any trace of the culprit or Izu?" I asked. The feeling of ease made me worry. I couldn't stop thinking about the case; somehow. _The one with golden hairpin… _The words kept replaying itself in my mind.

"Nothing yet. Right, is there anything Izu left for you before she disappeared?" His eyes looked straight at me. His eyebrows were slowly frowning. That time I was worried that I might have stolen his peace away. He had to remember about his beloved's disappearance.

"Izu left her hairpin and inside there was a letter. I don't even know if it's a letter. It is more of a puzzle." I spoke. Izu's smirking face kept replaying itself in my mind. _I miss you…_

"What is the puzzle?" He asked, no longer frowning.

"A puzzle of numbers. I can't decipher it. Do you want to see it?" I offered. Egawa moved away from my lap and sat facing me. I approached my desk and pulled out my drawer. Then I took the hairpin out. I removed the decoration and retrieved the letter. I passed it to Egawa.

"Hmm…" Egawa stared intently at the numbers. I wondered if he was challenged like how he used to. For that instance, I thought he was adorable. Abruptly, Saitou's silhouette popped in my mind, reminding me of my sweetheart.

"Ahh! I can't think of anything! The last puzzle Izu played on me was numbers of how many times she had bathed in that week!" Egawa soon gave up. He complained yet he still worked hard to think what those numbers were. "I'm sure there's something in this puzzle! Fine! I'll definitely find out where Izu is and clear her name off people's suspicion!" He declared. It was true. It was unfair for people to regard her as the priestess of the great serpent when she had just escaped away from this cage.

"Oh!" I recalled of something as if I was struck by a lightning. I reached for my drawer again and took a scrap of paper out. "This is also a letter. I guess she really misses me that she invites me to play a game. But I have no idea what game it is." I commented as I passed it to Egawa.

"Hm?" Egawa looked startled. "This…this is not Izu's writing."

"Eh?" I was surprised. I took another letter out and showed it to Egawa. "This one is from Izu's…"

"This one has Izu's name written, this one doesn't have any name. The other one is a puzzle. Look, the writing is different. Izu's writing is smaller and neat while this letter which asks to play a game is harsh and big." He spread those letters on the floor so that the differences were clear to my eyes.

"Could it be…the murderer?" I encouraged myself to ask. Everything seemed foreign to me. How could I not realize the difference in writing? _The murderer wants me to play a game…what kind of game? _I wondered with discomfort.

"Hima, you might be in danger." Egawa looked at me; concern and care in his eyes. "It's better to tell Sayaka and have her to assign some guards." He spoke with a rushing tone. He seemed sincerely worried. Somehow…I felt my heart beat faster upon the sight of his worried face.

_Why are you so concerned about me…? _I wondered.

I obeyed what he had suggested. I wrote a note about me in danger and how I found out about it. I passed it to Beni and Kana who were on stand-by outside. I told them to give it to Sayaka and they immediately made a bee line.

"Hima, you have to be cautious around you." Egawa warned.

I nodded. I had no idea what was going to happen but I definitely had no interest to know. I was confused. I was frightened of what might happen to me. I was afraid that I might not be able to meet Saitou. I was afraid that I might not be able to meet Izu again. It felt as if I was being thrown into eternal darkness without a single light. Tears threatened to form but I held it back.

The door was slammed open. It was Sayaka. She looked irritated.

"Sayaka—"

"—If you want a guard just make Egawa-han your guard! I'm busy with Midori's preparation!" Sayaka shouted as she puffed smoke into my room. She inhaled again from her tobacco stick. She stomped away, leaving four dumb people.

"Did you hear it, Kana?" Beni asked Kana with a half-hearted whisper.

"Yes. Sayaka-sama gave her blessings." Kana giggled in the manner of whisper.

"Shush!" I beckoned them to leave. They left while still gossiping about us. _Not again!_

What Sayaka had said felt as if there were fireflies in the abyss of darkness. Hovering over me and eventually showed me the exit.

"…huh?" Egawa was flabbergasted. His eyes were wide open. His dumb face was full of disbelief. "W-wait! What about my job?!" He asked no one. He turned to me with his mouth agape. He blinked hopelessly.

Seeing how he was cornered by Sayaka's decision was very comforting. I couldn't help myself to giggle. Gradually, I began to laugh out loud. I was unable to contain my laughter that it burst out suddenly. I knew I was in the presence of a guest, but I found myself weak to the situation. Policies of Oiran were soon invalid in front of that man.

"S-shut up!" He shouted. His face was red due to embarrassment. He was apple red even to his ears. He attempted to grab my wrist but he missed as I dodged him. He leaned towards me for another try. However, he tripped over his own hakama[1] and fell onto me. My wrist was in his palm. The force wasn't great enough to make both of us fall off balance. I was still sitting. Nevertheless, our faces were close.

Our eyes sought for something between and wouldn't look away. Egawa slowly came nearer. With each beat of my heart, he was coming close. I found myself stunned.

_N-no! _My heart felt as if it was going to burst. I shut my eyes.

"Time is over, Egawa-san."

"H-huh?! Y-yamaguchi-san?!" Egawa yelped at the sight of Saitou at the door frame.

"I said the incense is burnt." Saitou emphasized on his phrase. He seemed to glare at Egawa for an instance. I was dumbstruck. _Has he been watching? _I had never felt like this before. Fear and happiness mixed together and fogged my heart.

I tried to push Egawa away, but he took hold of my hands instead. He held them tight as he looked at Saitou. "I… I want to be with Hima!" He exclaimed.

"Please! Just a moment!"

"This is Shimabara. You came as a customer right? Follow the rules." Saitou stated. He approached Egawa and released his hands off me. Then, Saitou pulled Egawa by his clothes and pushed him out of the room. Before Egawa stepped out of the room, he struggled and held Saitou by his arms. He pushed him back. With another forceful push, Saitou had him chased out of my room.

"Himawari! I'll come again!" Egawa shouted.

Saitou used his sword to hold the door; preventing it to be opened. He spun and stared at me. That moment, my memory reeled itself and replayed the scene when his lips pressed onto mine. I remembered it perfectly. Recalling the moment, I felt my temperature rose rapidly.

"Why are you blushing?" Saitou asked. The corner of his lips looked as if it was trying to form a smirk but he held it back. He crouched down before me and cupped my chin roughly. In a blink, he was kissing me. The kiss was rough, harsh and forceful. I barely had any time to breathe. It was as if he was trying to eat my lips away. I attempted to struggle half-heartedly. I gasped for air but Saitou wasn't giving me a rest.

"S-Saitou—h-han!" I struggled. He finally gave me some time to rest. I placed my palms on his cheeks and scrutinized him. _This face… Hm? _Noticing something off, I burst a loud round of laughter. I laughed so hard that tears began to form.

"What is so funny?!" He pulled this sort of very confused and troubled face. It worsened my laughing fit. I found myself unstoppable. With every ounce of strength I had, I pushed him away and approached my desk. Still laughing, I took the standing mirror and passed it to Saitou. His appearance seemed like a stage entertainer. His mouth was smeared red and white from my white paint and red lip paint.

Seeing how funny he looked, Saitou used his sleeve to wipe away the paint. I immediately took my handkerchief out and helped him wipe the paint out. Gently and softly, I wiped the white and red color off my beloved. Our eyes met and I couldn't hold back my smile.

It took a while to wipe all off but I enjoyed the moment. For only a moment, Saitou seemed to fidget although he held all his emotions back. I giggled.

He must have been very annoyed. His frown explained so.

Saitou put down the mirror and pushed me down. "I'll eat you." He said. Somehow it felt ticklish that I started to giggle. We gazed at each other for a short moment before Saitou placed his left palm on my right cheek; tenderly touching my face.

"Do you believe in the existence of the priestess?" I asked.

"Perhaps." He planted a kiss on my nose.

That time, we didn't know—I wasn't aware of the terror which had been haunting me. Our sweet moment wouldn't last. However, I let myself forget and I let myself drown in the sweetness of love. What was going to happen next was a strict reminder to me.

Nostalgic yet different scream echoed throughout Shimabara. It felt as if the day of Izu's disappearance was repeating itself. Again, I found my sweet dream was being shattered by that shriek of dread.

"Himawari-don! W-what is happening?!" Beni and Kana slid open the door forcefully that Saitou's sword fell off the door frame and unlocked the door. They looked terrified. Their skin was bloodless; purely afraid.

Saitou stood and grabbed his sword. He slid it by his waist and marched out of my room. I felt fear chained around my ankles. I was afraid but I wanted to confirm the nightmare. Whether it was a nightmare or not… I wanted to see the truth with my own eyes. I propped myself up and gathered my courage to exit.

I pursued Saitou's back. Soon, he stopped walking. There was crowd around him. Oiran and guests were surrounding something. Saitou spun and said, "Return to your room." I didn't understand what he meant so he repeated the same thing.

"No. What is happening?" I asked as I pierced through the horde to look at the truth.

"Himawari-don!" Beni and Kana followed from behind. Their footsteps indicated so.

I reached the truth. It was a shamisen wrapping. It was stained with fresh blood. It was unwrapped. There lied an arm with writing carved on the flesh. It was written 'himawari'. Seeing it, I was wrenched awake. I was in danger.

Beni and Kana who had witnessed the hideous arm started to wail. I spun to them and embraced them as not to let them see any more of the scenery. I patted their backs, comforting them.

Saitou and I glanced at each other. Then, Saitou proceeded to dispose the arm and the wrapping. He also disbanded the crowd.

"It's alright. It's alright. I'm here." I placated Beni and Kana. That was when I noticed it. A small note fell off Saitou's sleeve. As a change of mood for the duo koshi, I told them to retrieve the note in exchange for candies. They nodded and ran to where the note was. They seemed to have calmed down a bit.

Taking the paper from Kana's palm, I unfolded it to find greater horror. I was speechless. Tears began to pour but I was clueless what I should do. The horror was in the writing. It was Izu's writing and it was written, "Hima, save me." The nightmare repeated itself in my mind. I was frightened that I wouldn't be able to save Izu. I was afraid that the nightmare might become real.

"Beni, Kana, come along." I said as I ran towards my room. Once I reached there, I put the note and Izu's letter together. I compared the writing and confirmed that they were Izu's writing. _Izu's in danger! _I wiped away my tears. It was not the moment to be crying. I had to reach Izu somehow. _Why does Saitou-han have this note?_

Running footsteps were audible. Inhabitants of Shimabara became restless. They ran around yelling, "Fire! Fire! The backyard is on fire!"

My attention turned to Beni and Kana. They were still young. I had to protect them. I held their hands. _Fortunate you. Oblivious to what is happening._ Upon the continuous fuss, I ran out with Beni and Kana. I could see the black smoke rising up to the sky from outside. The fire was blazing and the wind was blowing. The heat was spreading around Shimabara. Policemen came immediately to put out the fire. Neighboring men were also helping.

_God, protect us! Please don't let anyone die! _I prayed. Oiran were waiting outside Shimabara, praying the fire would die soon. We waited and waited. The hours of waiting felt eternal. With worry wrapping us tight, we could only hope for the ordeal to end soon. It took more hours before the fire was finally cleared. Once a police came out to announce that the fire was put out, we were all relieved. The police announced again that they would check throughout the building to see if there was any victim to the fire.

"Himawari-don, are we going to lose our home?" Beni asked.

"No. It's alright." I smiled.

"Don't forget the candies!" Kana reminded.

"I know." I replied, patting her head.

An oiran came, running to me and passed unfortunate news. She was exhausted from all the running.

"Calm down. Take your breath." I placated.

"E-Egawa-han! Egawa-han has collapsed!" She said.

Without even a moment to blink, I dashed. I ran back into the building. Hope felt as if it was dissipating. I sprinted with all my power. Several men were preventing me from entering, but I managed to force my way in somehow.

"Where is Jun-han?!" I asked one of the policemen.

"Jun? Who?"

"Egawa Jun-han!" I repeated.

"There's no such man in our group." The answer disappointed me. I ran my way and searched room by room. I kept moving my legs and didn't think about taking a break. _Jun-han! _I prayed in my heart, hoping he wasn't caught in the fire. Worry engulfed me but I clung onto the frail hope.

"A man collapsed! Call the physician over!" One of the men shouted. Upon the information, I rushed up to him and asked where the man was. He pointed to a room. I marched my way straightaway.

In the room, I indeed saw an unconscious man but he wasn't Egawa. Someone was already there to attend the fainted man. I excused myself and ran around the hallways, asking if anyone saw a man with green bandana. After all the effort, I still hadn't found Egawa. _Where is he? _I wondered. I kept looking for his figure.

"Himawari-don! Egawa-han is here!" Beni called.

"Why are you here?!" I raised my tone.

"We followed you! We are worried about Egawa-han too!" Kana explained.

"Show me the way." Only for this time I would tolerate their action. Hence, I was led to a room where Egawa was resting. I entered the room and sat beside him. I called him several times but he wouldn't respond. He was still breathing. When I looked closely, his bandana was a bit burnt. His clothes were dirty with black stains here and there. There were several scratches too. I patted his head gently. _Thanks God that he's alright._ I felt warmth spread within my body.

"Hima…wari?" Egawa opened his eyes.

"Jun-han! I was worried! So…so worried! If you disappeared who would help me look for Izu?! Izu is in danger! There's a note from izu." I held back my tears.

"The fire…How is the fire?!" Egawa propped himself up abruptly. As the result, he coughed severely. He must have inhaled too much smoke. His cough wasn't subsiding and it was making me worry. I patted his back in attempt to soothe him. However, it didn't seem to help at all. Egawa kept coughing.

"Jun-han!"

"I… I can't die…before I return Izu's…glory…" He muttered.

"Please! Rest!" The fire has been put out!" I pushed him down onto the floor. "I'll be here. So, rest." I gave a little smile. Whether it was due to exhaustion or comfort, Egawa shut his eyes slowly and finally fell asleep.

"Kana, get some water for all of us. Can you do it?" I requested.

"Yes." Kana replied and took her heels to do the errand.

"Himawari-don…" Beni spoke.

"What is it, Beni?"

"Saitou-han… broke the incense half."

"Saitou-han? Why would he do that?" I was oblivious to it. I just realized that my moment with Egawa was shorter than usual. _Why?_

"No idea." Beni said.

OvO/

Rushed footsteps were audible. The sound of door being slid open. A familiar man appeared. Saitou looked desperate. I wondered what had happened.

"Do not get out of here." He said. With that, he exited the room. I couldn't fathom what he had meant, so I went to look for the reason by myself. Once Kana had returned, I asked her and Beni to look after Egawa until I returned.

I walked around the hallway. People were leaving and Oiran were returning back to their rooms. There was nothing odd. There must be a reason why Saitou told me not to leave the room. I pondered as I walked around. I didn't remember how long I had walked, but I was certain that I searched throughout the building.

Feeling curious of how the backyard had turned, I went there. A small part of the building was burnt but it was good that the fire didn't burn the whole building down. The smell of the smoke was still there. Feeling uncomfortable, I decided to return.

Walking past several rooms near the backyard, I noticed a trail of blood. It was dry and almost black. Little fear crept up to my heart and made me cautious. I followed the blood closely and reached to a room which was near the backyard and was almost burnt down. What I saw there was a shock.

No. There was no blood. But there was a corpse; an oiran. She was burnt beyond recognition. With fear that the corpse might become alive again, I approached it slowly. I reached for her ankle and looked at the name attached to the metal accessory. Seeing 'Midori' printed on, I retracted my hand reflexively. I stood up and walked backwards upon fear and disgust.

"Mi…Midori?" I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't expect that she would be a victim. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight of a woman who had poisoned me before. When I took a close look, I noticed she lacked an arm. I knew it. I understood. She wasn't a victim to the fire, but she was a victim to a murder.

"W-why…are you dead?" I trembled. "If you're still alive…I can…I can avoid thinking about Izu… Why…do you disappear?" I cried. Tears flowed down rapidly. I couldn't contain my sorrow, sadness, anger, hatred and fear. I felt my legs become numb. I eventually fell down.

"I gave the position to you…I gave the Tayuu name to you!" I shouted. "What else are you not happy about?! What else?!" I asked but corpse wouldn't talk. Tears wouldn't stop and my shiver wouldn't stop either.

"…ha…ahahaha…Ahahahahahaha!" Sorrow turned to hopelessness. Cry turned to laughter. Tears continued to flow but laughter wouldn't stop too. "I don't know…I don't know anymore! I don't want to know anymore!"

Several men who had heard my cry, came to me and brought me elsewhere; somewhere silent. I sat in a room alone. Tears stopped and laughter also stopped. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of anything. I didn't want to think. The police interrogated people they thought had relation to the fire and the murder.

Egawa was sent to a physician by Sayaka. While Saitou became the rumored suspect for he was silent during the questions. His motives were unknown and he was emotionless. Still, the police had neither proofs nor courage to deem him suspicious. People believed he was the culprit. Saitou Hajime the third unit's captain of Shinsengumi was known to be cruel after all.

* * *

><p>[1] Japanese traditional pants.<p>


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